“Dear Remy”: Hollywood Career Coach on How to Ring in the New Year and the Joys of Laziness

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Help! I’ve Been Invited to My First Hollywood New Year’s Eve Party!

Dear Remy,

I’m new to LA, and this will be my first New Year’s Eve in the City of Angels.

This year, I relocated due to my script being selected for a complete TV series, which I had written as a pilot. This transition has been transformative on multiple levels – financially, career-wise, and socially. Previously, I resided in a quaint town near Philadelphia, where “Craft Services” would be mistaken for an Etsy stall.

Currently, I’ve been extended an invitation to a New Year’s Eve gathering, organized by colleagues I have connections with. However, I’m quite unsure about the appropriate behavior as this type of event isn’t typically my cup of tea. For me, New Year’s has always been an anxious occasion; it seems like everyone is waiting for that one grand moment at midnight, and until then, we simply spend time together.

However, what puzzles me most is this: Is it customary for me to embrace everyone at midnight? You see, I’m rather clumsy in social situations—once I even told the mailman that I loved him when he delivered my Settlers of Catan expansion pack, and I regretted it for weeks afterward.

How many hors d’oeuvres are too excessive? Should I bring a present? How can I initiate a chat with strangers? Is it necessary to have a witty one-liner for self-introduction, or is that merely cinematic flair?

Yours,

LA Intentional

Dear LA Intentional,

Could it be that we’re all caught up in some overthinking here? After all, I can assure you that each of the guests is grappling with their own discomfort. It’s simply camouflaged by glitz and sparkle, and perhaps a touch of celebratory cheer.

Initially, let’s clear up any confusion about the midnight hug: It’s entirely up to you. If it feels right, go with the flow. But if it doesn’t, simply wish them a happy new year with a warm smile instead.

For additional suggestions: Carry a bottle of wine or a small present as a host gift – always a thoughtful touch. Don’t fret about appetizers; ensure you eat enough to maintain your energy but save room for conversation. And when it comes to introductions, there’s no need to be overly creative. A straightforward, “Nice to meet you, I’m new to LA – what made you move here?” is a winning formula every time.

The real question is this: What story are you telling yourself about this party? That everyone else has mastered the social code and you’re the odd one out? Remember, authenticity always wins. Be curious, kind, and present, and you’ll fit in just fine—even if you don’t hug anyone at all.

Best wishes,

Rémy

Uh Oh. My Wife Wants Us to Be a Hollywood Power Couple

Dear Remy,

As the year winds down, I’m taking stock of my accomplishments – big and small. The series I’m part of got renewed for another season, I made it past a level in my Japanese lessons, and I even kept the majority of my plants thriving (apart from one ficus who was battling from day one).

However, my spouse perceives this year as a catastrophe, primarily due to our omission from the Power Couples of 2024 roster. For her, these listings symbolize the pinnacle of achievement – a fusion of personal and professional success.

It seemed like she might have moved past it, but it appears this is her most cherished aspiration. She’s arranged for a stylist in January to ensure our red carpet looks are flawless, both hers and his. Over the course of our conversation last week, I caught her discussing with a PR representative, “I aim to feature on the Harper’s Bazaar list, but if not, then Cosmopolitan will suffice.

Currently, I’m finding myself more like a supporting character in her Hollywood plan rather than a loving spouse. To add insult to injury, when I attempted to create a unique name combining ours, it ended up being the name of a well-known adult toy. Sadly, this isn’t something beneficial for us at all.

Yours,

Powered Down

Dear Powered Down,

What does this list really mean to your wife? Is it about status, security, or something deeper? Very often, when love or acceptance in childhood was tied to achievements—a school report, a trophy, or a glowing review—it creates a belief that external validation equals safety and self-worth.

However, this situation seems to put you in a tricky spot. You express feelings of being a mere prop, which implies that her aspirations for becoming a ‘power couple’ may not align with your shared values as a couple. Why not inquire about her thoughts by asking: “What do you believe we’re lacking that would be fulfilled through our journey towards becoming a ‘power couple’?” This question can initiate a more profound discussion on the motivations behind her ambition and its impact on your relationship.

It’s worth sharing your own vision of success in your relationship. Does power for you mean laughter, mutual support, or simply being present for each other? True “power couples” aren’t forged on red carpets; they’re built in the quiet, meaningful moments at home.

Warmly,

Rémy

Enough Is Enough. I Need a Rest

Dear Remy,

I’m a studio executive, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point.

This year has been unyielding, filled with extended work hours on set, tough deadlines, and the continuous need to maintain a polished image in Los Angeles. As the New Year draws near, I’m contemplating not making any resolutions – a novel concept for me throughout my life.

It’s really calling to me to start doing less. Less exercise, less dieting, less perfectionism at home. I want to fire my personal trainer and swap endless burpees for Yoga with Adriene on YouTube. I dream of spending mornings on my chaise longue, eating Cheetos.

However, I find myself feeling apprehensive. Can I honestly show up on set without disclosing that I didn’t rise at 5 a.m. for a hike and journaling session? Might they perceive me as lacking in effort? Is this line of work truly accommodating to a more relaxed, leisurely lifestyle?

Yours,

More Tired, Less Wired

Dear More Tired, Less Wired,

Who led you to believe that the only path to success in this field involves hiking Runyon Canyon at sunrise with a homemade matcha latte? Whose concept of “achieving success” have you been adhering to—and, perhaps more crucially, why does it no longer resonate with your own aspirations?

It seems like your body and mind might be signaling a strong request: pause, at least for the moment. Could you grant yourself the freedom to reconsider what success means, no longer as achieving more, but rather as fulfilling your genuine needs?

What if you reframed the question? Instead of worrying about whether it’s socially acceptable to slow down, ask yourself: What kind of leader, creative, or human do I want to be? Does waking up 30 minutes before call time make you less effective, less thoughtful, or less talented on set? Or are you at your best when you feel rested, joyful, and occasionally covered in Cheetos dust?

Perhaps, instead of focusing on doing more or less this coming year, it might be wiser to pursue actions that genuinely suit your individual needs and preferences. Is this a path worth exploring?

With curiosity,

Rémy

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Remy Blumenfeld, an experienced television producer and creator of Vitality Guru, provides professional guidance for top-tier media professionals seeking advancement in their careers. To get in touch with the team at Vitality Guru, please email your inquiry to: guru@vitality.guru.

Questions edited by Sarah Mills.

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2024-12-28 21:25