Fidelity Just Stashed Millions in Crypto—Are Bankers Secretly Learning To Code?

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How much eternity hides in a ledger entry? In some glass-walled office, Fidelity Investments—ancient institution draped in velvet and jargon—once more hauls its corporate soul to the altar of the Blockchain.

Today’s revelation: a purchase, 1,005 Bitcoin (toes dipped in volcanic lava, naturally), about $105.7 million lured from the coffers. Also: 27,174 and some extra-scrap of Ethereum—$60.5 million, give or take the price of a sandwich in this unhinged market. Totals are tallied, brows furrowed, someone whispers: “$166.2 million.” The calculators groan, the spreadsheets squeal.

This display—are they investing, or slowly surrendering to the inevitable? At the heart, a decision: add crypto to the treasury, as though one might toss a smoked herring to a pack of wolves and hope they become house pets. It’s part of a trend, they insist. Yes, and the Siberian wind too is a ‘trend’—cold, ceaseless, ambitious.

Here stand the bankers, waving their brass nameplates at the howling storm of digital money, only to find Twitter and Reddit pelting them with emojis and poorly spelled congratulations. Their reputations are buffed to a shine, glinting like coins nobody actually wants to hold.

Will prices rocket? Will the finance wizards elope with their wallets into the glorious sunlit future, or will they trip over their own regulations and blame the “volatility”? No one knows—not even the cats coding new protocols in their basements.

For now, Fidelity carries the torch, stumbling through the darkness, connecting the old fortress of banking to the fever dream of crypto. A bridge? Perhaps. Or perhaps a tightrope, strung over a chasm filled with memes and regret. 🪙🧑‍💼🚧

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2025-06-24 17:03