Ah, the tale of Strategy (MSTR), previously known by the humbler sobriquet of MicroStrategy—now swollen with the arrogance of titans, clutching yet more Bitcoin like a miser gnawing on his last crust of bread.
The former czar of this cryptic empire, Michael Saylor, now declaims in triumph that his fabled treasury has swallowed another monstrous $1,420,000,000 worth of that digital chimera called Bitcoin.
“MSTR has gobbled down 15,355 BTC for a mere trifle of ~$1.42 billion at an intimate price of ~$92,737 each, boasting a righteous yield of 13.7% YTD in 2025. As of 4/27/2025, we hodl proudly 553,555 BTC, loyally acquired at ~$37.90 billion—an average price of ~$68,459 per coin.”
And of course, the sage Saylor, a modern-day Rasputin of cryptocurrency, declares this strategy not only intact but victorious, outpacing lesser mortals who merely bleed losses in comparison.
“The strategy is working.” Oh, how reassuring—like a gambler comforting himself before the roulette wheel swings its cruel fate! 🎲
Our prophet muses further on past deeds, radiating pride at gains over 38%, or the mythical sum of $14 billion—numbers so vast they might as well be the delusions of a fevered mind. 💸
“Stay Humble. Stack sats.” – a decree echoing through the cryptic catacombs, like advice from a fortune teller who just bet the farm.
The frenzy continues! Strategy once again plunges into the abyss of Bitcoin accumulation earlier this very month—frenzied, unrelenting, as if the digital gold is a siren’s call to madness.
What was once whispered in hushed boardrooms is now boomed publicly: a stock offering, a tidal wave of capital raised to feed the insatiable beast.
In March, our hero sold $21 billion in preferred STRK stock, a king sacrificing castles in the chess of coins.
According to the arcane records of BitcoinTreasuries.net, Strategy now boasts ownership of 2.56% of all circulating BTC worldwide—as if hoarding a piece of the very ether itself.
Yet, irony drips like the sweat from a fevered brow: the empire’s stock price has slipped 2.7%, trading at a modest $358 at this writing. The market, apparently, questions this grand script.
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2025-04-28 21:41