CoinDesk Indices, that ever-dependable Cassandra of the digital bazaar, bestows upon the populace its latest dispatch. One might hope for tales of triumph; alas, this missive reads more like a family letter from debtor’s prison.
Our protagonist, the CoinDesk 20, staggers about at 2699.5, nursing an embarrassing bruise of 2.9% (precisely -80.53), the sort of loss one might expect after an enthusiastic Friday evening spent “strategizing” with port and bad ideas. At 4 p.m. ET, the bell tolled, and the descent began. 🙃
Among twenty digital thoroughbreds, only a heroic trio remains upright, the others evidently having tripped over an NFT or the ghost of FTX.
The vanguard—SUI and LTC—each managed a dainty 0.7% ascent, as if afraid actual enthusiasm might be mistaken for financial recklessness. 🤏
Meanwhile, the laggards NEAR and AVAX slumped by a ghastly 7.4%, the sort of performance that provokes dark mutterings on Telegram and desperate appeals to “HODL.” Has anyone checked if their wallets still contain anything but bitter regrets?
The CoinDesk 20 straddles more platforms than a dilettante at an embassy garden party, and its global ambitions are, frankly, enough to make a sovereign blush. Yet for now, it seems, most assets are content to sulk—and take your portfolio with them. 🍷
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2025-05-05 17:25