Is Your Sovereign Hiding Billions in Bitcoin? Scaramucci Spills the Beans 🕵️‍♂️💸

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Picture this: It’s a gloomy Moscow evening—wolves howling, the moon peering through clouds, and somewhere, a single Bitcoin leaps over the $100,000 mark once more, sending shivers and goosebumps through bureaucrats everywhere. The great and powerful, the mysterious sovereigns—those whose pockets are said to hold entire countries—are, if you trust the pipe-smoking, telegraph-mad Anthony Scaramucci, quietly stockpiling Bitcoin in the dead of night, behind velvet drapes thicker than government briefings and drier than a bureaucrat’s sense of humor.

Billions Slipping Through State Pockets (And Not Just for Caviar Anymore)

Scaramucci—whose transformation from Bitcoin-denier to full-throated evangelist is worthy of a redemption arc on the Bolshoi stage—whispers in podcasts that sovereigns are shoveling digital gold onto their ledgers before the Americans can finish writing their infamous rules (which, in true Bulgakovian fashion, may never be finished at all).

“Are sovereigns buying this stuff under the table?” the host inquires, perhaps with a sly wink. Our hero leans in, eyes glinting: “I believe they’re nibbling, just at the edges. Soon, once the Yankees put their seals and signatures on the laws, it’ll be a stampede. Picture officials, each with pockets deeper than Lake Baikal, tossing in hundreds of millions into the careening cryptoscape. All very discreet, naturally. Bureaucratic ballet at its finest.”

ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI JUST CONFIRMED THAT ALL SOVEREIGNS ARE BUYING BILLIONS OF #BITCOIN

THE TSARS ARE ROLLING IN THEIR GRAVES!!! 🪙🕺

— Vivek (@Vivek4real_) May 8, 2025

The former czar of White House communications (God bless and keep that brief title far from us) described these hush-hush accumulations as pure survival—what is a sovereign to do when tariffs ricochet through the world order like silver spoons at a seance, and the mighty dollar sneezes, causing pneumonia from Vladivostok to Caracas? Naturally, they look to hedging with something as ungovernable as a cat on a hot samovar: Bitcoin.

Scaramucci, never so bold as to prophesy the greenback’s descent into irrelevance, nevertheless sketches a vision—when kingmakers decide Bitcoin belongs in the halls of Treasury, only then will those zeroes truly multiply. “To see a million-dollar Bitcoin,” he mused, “you’ll need a government accountant, possibly named Ivan Ivanovich, to whisper: ‘This is the keystone of our new financial cathedral.’” Expect portfolios creaking under the weight of crypto (1%-3% at first; they like to dip their toes before their rubles).

Digital Gold or Just Fool’s Alchemy?

Today’s gospel is this: while markets everywhere weep into their portfolio ledgers (down by 5% to 8%! Tragedy worthy of Dostoevsky!), Bitcoin is holding court serenely above its $100,000 perch. Scaramucci, never one to miss a beat, reminds us that he sailed his ship toward digital shores at the modest $20,000 mark. Now his fund is up 43%—which, last we checked, is a number that would make even the devil’s accountant jealous.

The old guards, clutching their gold crosses—sorry, bars—look on with suspicion, while the young heirs already dream of bequeathing cold wallets instead of Fabergé eggs. “My grandchildren shall inherit Bitcoin,” Scaramucci predicts. (Whether they’ll know what to do with it, of course, is a question for another century.)

But beware!—all this is mere rehearsal until the American lawmakers emerge from their labyrinths, waving the latest regulatory scroll. Then—only then!—shall investment titans descend in tranches, perhaps with cocktails in hand, ready to buy up Satoshi’s kingdom in earnest. For now, it’s trickles. Trickle trickle—until a dam breaks, and gold-plated parliaments everywhere scramble to keep up.

At the time of this writing, somewhere between a banker’s lunch and a bureaucrat’s tea, Bitcoin hovers at $103,077—a number to summon either laughter or tears, depending on which side of the velvet curtain you find yourself.

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2025-05-10 01:10