The financial giant JPMorgan Chase, which is basically the bank version of a dragon, but with more spreadsheets and fewer fire-breathing sessions, is reportedly considering loaning against its clients’ Bitcoin (BTC) and Ethereum (ETH) holdings. 🐉💸
The Financial Times, citing anonymous sources “familiar with the matter,” reports that the top global investment bank could start lending against crypto assets next year. Or, you know, the day after the apocalypse, whichever comes first. 🕰️
JPMorgan, which declined to comment to FT, would likely have to employ a third-party platform to custody crypto assets seized from customers who default on their loans. Because nothing says “trust” like letting a stranger hold your digital gold while you’re busy paying interest on it. 🤝
The potential development clashes with JPMorgan chief executive Jamie Dimon’s past criticisms of crypto. Dimon has called Bitcoin a “pet rock” and argued there are no real use cases for the top crypto asset other than illicit transactions. But hey, maybe he’s just been busy collecting rocks and avoiding the real world. 🧱
In 2024, however, he argued that people should have the right to trade BTC regardless of his personal feelings about the asset. “Now my last statement… I defend your right to do Bitcoin. I think it’s okay. I don’t want to tell you what to do. So my personal advice is don’t get involved, but I don’t want to tell anybody what to do. It’s a free country.” 🇺🇸
“Now my last statement, the last time I ever talk about Bitcoin, is I defend your right to do Bitcoin. I think it’s okay. I don’t want to tell you what to do. So my personal advice is don’t get involved, but I don’t want to tell anybody what to do. It’s a free country.” – Jamie Dimon, who clearly hasn’t met a paradox he couldn’t ignore. 🌀
JPMorgan Chase recently informed fintech companies such as PayPal, Venmo and Coinbase that they will need to begin paying to access their customers’ bank account information, according to a Bloomberg report. Because nothing says “innovation” like charging for the ability to move money around. 🚧💰
The fintech companies use the information, which has been free, to make it easier for their customers to send, receive and trade money. JPMorgan is reportedly poised to collect hundreds of millions of dollars in fees for the service. Because why let a good monopoly go to waste? 🤑
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2025-07-23 16:42