KCD 2’s Henry Is Exactly How I Like My RPG Men—Raw, Unhinged, Scruffy

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I’m constantly questioning how Henry‘s still standing after everything we’ve been through.

He’s not renowned as a hero or a legend; instead, he’s simply an ordinary man who unexpectedly chose to navigate the challenges of medieval times, stumbling along much like a tipsy peasant losing his balance on a horse.

But with heartfelt honesty, that’s what made him fit the bill for how I like my RPG men.

Henry has an uncanny, endearing naivete about him; he’s akin to a jester from olden times, bereft of any prophetic burden, only guided by chance and the courage to tackle whatever life presents him with.

Unlike most RPG characters who already possess some degree of expertise, Henry begins as an individual blessed with mere luck rather than skill. On one particular occasion, I attempted to stealthily infiltrate a noble’s estate; however, instead of a silent and seamless entry, Henry stumbled over a bucket, causing it to roll loudly down the hallway.

In a fluster, I attempted to disguise my predicament by feigning confidence, until Henry unexpectedly whistled during my attempt at pickpocketing. Caught red-handed at that moment, I understood then that Henry was not stealthy, and I figured I might as well embrace the chaos.

At the wedding competition, I had high expectations of victory, but unfortunately, Henry met a crushing defeat instead. To make matters more satisfying, I discovered later that I defeated the groom so brutally that he attended his own wedding with traces of blood still on him.

In a different scene at Henry’s wedding, there was nothing more entertaining than when he danced with a woman, feigning deep affection, only to end the night by going to bed together. However, the morning after, she revealed their encounter left much to be desired. Left in a state of humiliation, Henry could only stand there and accept it. Some fans were genuinely upset, but I found it amusing, as my man Henry truly earned that one for his overzealous antics.

Henry’s behavior isn’t just about being reckless or insane; rather, it appears as though bad luck or misfortune tends to plague him wherever he goes, causing his circumstances to frequently spiral out of control. Despite his good intentions, it seems that turmoil often doggedly pursues him.

As a gamer, I took on the drunken Cuman quest, assuming it’d be a breeze. Little did I know, my character, Henry, would soon be sloshed, joining in tavern songs with the Cumans and somehow managing to persuade them he was one of their own.

In the midst of an already disastrous situation, the Cuman I’d been tasked to negotiate with unexpectedly stirred from his slumber and dashed off to his encampment. There I was, inebriated, bewildered, and clutching a pilfered barrel of liquor, emitting occasional unpleasant noises.

In simpler terms, I’m usually caught up in a tricky situation, trying to dodge blame for a crime. When the guard challenged us, Henry, with his cleverness, feigned deafness due to an old war injury. The guard seemed uncertain for a moment before ultimately shaking his head and fining me regardless.

Henry’s excuses for his actions, in many cases, can be quite amusing and form their own unique brand of humor. For instance, when asked about his actions, he would say things like, “I was really hungry,” or claim self-defense with, “He seemed to be considering attacking me.” However, my personal favorite has got to be the time he tried to justify looking through someone’s purse by saying, “There was a bee on it.

In other words, that violent altercation at the bar when Henry emerged victorious but in a state close to collapse. Upon exiting, someone promptly offered him another go. Given his condition, bruised and barely standing, it was no surprise he merely nodded and re-entered the scene.

If Henry had a motto, it could be expressed as “Cleanliness is for the faint-hearted,” indicating that Henry maintains an unusually unclean state even compared to other characters in role-playing games.

Among the most delightful experiences during my travels was stumbling into a grand court after a tiresome voyage, appearing (and emanating) as if I had waded through a marsh. The noble recoiled, wrinkling his nose and commanding that Henry be escorted out until he at least cleaned up, freshening himself a bit.

In most Role-Playing Games (RPGs), you can disregard personal cleanliness, but King’s Bounty 2 immerses you in the consequence of that neglect. I thought it was high time to guide Henry towards the bathhouse to wash off the odor and avoid the disapproving glances. However, upon entering, every worker at the bathhouse simultaneously adopted a T-pose stance. Instantly, I turned around and exited, considering the possibility that Henry was simply too unclean for them to handle.

At one point, Henry merely lingered close by as two characters engaged in a conversation. Curiously, one of them questioned what had such a foul odor. Coincidentally, the camera then shifted towards Henry, who stood there with a smirk on his face, suggesting he was fully aware that the scent emanated from him. Remarkably, no words were exchanged in this instance.

1. Henry’s attempts at flirting are equally as unsuccessful as his other endeavors. My favorite instance of this is when he came up with an utterly preposterous excuse for choking a woman. When challenged, he became flustered and exclaimed, “Women find that appealing!” It was so ludicrous that even the guards needed a moment to consider before merely giving him a warning.

2. Henry’s romantic advances are as dismal as his other pursuits. The most comical example of this is when he tried to justify strangling a woman by saying, “Women adore it!” When confronted, he lost his cool and blurted out the absurd statement. Even the guards had to take a moment before deciding to let him go with only a warning.

3. Henry’s flirting attempts are as unsuccessful as everything else he tries. My favorite instance of this is when he attempted to justify choking a woman by claiming, “Women love it!” When confronted, he panicked and said it, leaving the guards momentarily bewildered before issuing him only a warning.

4. Henry’s flirting efforts are just as unsuccessful as his other attempts. One of my favorite instances was when he tried to justify strangling a woman by saying, “Women love that!” When questioned, he became flustered and blurted it out, leaving the guards puzzled before only giving him a warning.

5. Henry’s romantic overtures are as fruitless as his other ventures. The instance I find most amusing is when he attempted to justify choking a woman by exclaiming, “Women love it!” When confronted, he panicked and said so, leaving the guards perplexed before issuing him only a warning.

6. Henry’s flirting attempts are as ineffective as his other endeavors. My favorite example of this is when he tried to justify choking a woman by stating, “Women adore it!” When questioned, he lost his composure and said it, leaving the guards bewildered before merely giving him a warning.

7. Henry’s romantic attempts are as futile as his other endeavors. My favorite instance of this is when he tried to justify strangling a woman by saying, “Women love that!” When confronted, he became flustered and said it, leaving the guards momentarily confused before letting him go with only a warning.

8. Henry’s romantic overtures are as unsuccessful as his other attempts. My favorite example of this is when he tried to justify choking a woman by saying, “Women love it!” When confronted, he panicked and said so, leaving the guards bewildered before merely giving him a warning.

9. Henry’s flirting efforts are as unsuccessful as everything else he tries. The most amusing instance of this is when he tried to justify choking a woman by claiming, “Women love that!” When questioned, he became flustered and said it, leaving the guards puzzled before issuing him only a warning.

10. Henry’s romantic advances are as unsuccessful as his other pursuits. My favorite example of this is when he tried to justify strangling a woman by stating, “Women adore it!” When confronted, he lost his cool and said it, leaving the guards bewildered before merely giving him a warning.

In a particularly awkward situation, Henry attempted to act as a translator between a Cuman and a woman he admired, despite not knowing any Hungarian. Unfortunately, he ended up offending the woman on behalf of the Cuman. It wasn’t until he was struck in the face that he understood his mistake.

Despite my fervent desire to erase that notorious pickup line from my memory, I find myself still grappling with the fact that it was used to charm someone. The phrase is preposterous, yet somehow effective – a classic example of Henry Rizz’s charm.

In this game, Henry faces a formidable foe that isn’t the Cumans or the guards; it’s his own digestive system. The frequency at which his flatulence disrupts crucial moments is staggering, but despite everything, I adore each and every instance.

In that instant, I found myself sneaking past a sentry’s post, doing my utmost to avoid detection. However, as I was about to slip away undetected, Henry let out an ear-piercingly loud fart, causing the guard nearby to stir from his sleep. I immediately took off running, but unfortunately for us, in a display of his legendary clumsiness, Henry stumbled over his own feet and fell flat on his face to the ground.

One particularly enjoyable moment for me occurred when Henry, clearly under the influence, let out such a powerful fart during our chat that the non-player character (NPC) paused their speech and left in disgust. Truly, he’s like a mobile hazard zone.

In the moment when Henry was standing by the pond, grinning as two ladies argued about an overpowering odor that seemed like nothing but death itself, the camera cleverly zoomed towards him just as I erupted in laughter at the perfect timing of the scene.

He’s the sort of person who collides with obstacles squarely and seems unperturbed, as if it were just another ordinary day. He’s like a chaotic event from the Middle Ages that keeps causing catastrophic crashes, yet I find his antics strangely endearing.

In most RPGs, you’re made to feel like an esteemed hero, a chosen warrior fated to save the world. King’s Crown DLC 2, however, places you in the shoes of someone who’s just gotten up, put their pants on backwards, and is now fleeing from guards because they “unintentionally” clocked a noble in the face.

Henry embodies the transformation that occurs when a non-player character becomes a lead character, brimming with vitality. At any given moment, he stands just on the edge of taking actions that could rewrite history, albeit for the most unfortunate reasons.

Henry of Skalitz, you absolute disaster of a man—never change.

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2025-02-26 16:13