Larry David Reacts: Did Bitcoin Just Fake Us All Out With This $85K Comeback?

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Alright, so Bitcoin’s hanging on above $85,000. Everyone’s excited—“Oh, look at that! Bitcoin’s back! The king is *back!*” Let’s not pop the champagne just yet. You see, the only thing stronger than the crypto market right now is people’s ability to get ahead of themselves. Why celebrate? Because some news broke about tariffs—you know, those things politicians use like seasoning: too little and you barely notice, too much and everything sucks.

Trump gives the world (except China—nice touch, Don) a 90-day pause on tariffs. Suddenly, everyone’s bullish, which is different from being actual bulls, but both involve charging into stuff you don’t understand. People thought Bitcoin was dead for, what, three weeks? Now they’re back with “to the moon!” memes. Calm down. 🚀🌑

So now, “experts” are saying Bitcoin could break above $87K–$90K if it manages some volume. What does that even mean? More people yelling “Buy!” in the group chat? And apparently, since Friday, the derivatives market is on fire. Bulls everywhere—like a Pamplona situation, only you might get trampled by some algorithm from a server farm in Iceland. Isn’t technology great?

Of course, we’ve still got “macroeconomic risks.” Always with the risks! If I had a satoshi for every time someone said “macroeconomic risk,” I’d buy Twitter from Elon. There’s market structure, moving averages, derivatives—so many ways to say, “Nobody really knows what’s happening here, but we’ll keep talking.”

Bitcoin Builds Strength as Bulls Take Control of Key Indicators

So, bulls are excited. They see Bitcoin over $85K and think, “I’m a genius!” Let’s not forget macro uncertainty. The government sneezes, crypto panics. You hear one bad GDP number, and suddenly, everyone wants to become a mushroom farmer.

Some analysts are saying, “This could be a recovery rally.” Others are skeptical. Love these guys—just once, I want someone to say, “I have absolutely no idea. The market is weird.” Top analyst Axel Adler (do analysts get trading cards now?) drops a hot take on X. He says some net taker volume thing has flipped positive, which apparently means people are aggressively buying. That’s great. Aggression! That’s what markets were missing. 🙄

Adler’s loving the derivatives market, bulls are running wild, and don’t forget “on-chain accumulation signals,” which I think means people are hoarding and now we’re pretending it’s analysis. Enjoy the ride—nobody knows where it’s going! 🚗💨

BTC Price Faces Crucial Resistance as Bulls Lose Momentum

Here comes the catch: Bitcoin’s at $85,700, but can’t seem to get past the 200-day moving average. It’s like trying to get into an exclusive nightclub—bouncer at $87,500, “Sorry, sir, you’re not on the list.” And until it gets past that point, the risk of a “no soup for you!” moment stays high. The bulls held $85K, which, hey, let’s hand out medals while we’re at it. Price is still under resistance, still weak. The only thing consolidating here is my excitement, straight into apathy.

After the tariff-pause sugar rush, people were expecting follow-through buying. What did they get? Eh, not much. The “essential” move above $90K didn’t happen, and now everyone’s talking about retracements, corrections, support levels—a whole menu of “please go up” prayers. If $81K support doesn’t hold, we’re heading back to $75K. It’s like crypto snakes and ladders, but with more existential dread.

Anyway, traders are staring at this thing, waiting to jump on a breakout or shriek at a breakdown. Just remember: whatever happens, someone’s gonna tweet, “I called it.” 🙃

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2025-04-16 01:17