Memecoins are about as stable as your love life 😅

by

“`html

Memecoins are about as stable as your love life 😅

ARK Invest CEO Cathie Wood, otherwise known as the oracle of financial sass, predicts memecoins will be as worthless as your ex’s promises. But hold onto your cat memes! Wood thinks some coins, like TRUMP, might just survive the inevitable financial apocalypse. Oh, the irony. 🤑

During an interview with Bloomberg—where she flaunted her “I don’t gamble on memes” vibe—Wood admitted she avoids investing private funds in these charmingly ridiculous coins. Why? Probably because playing financial Russian roulette with internet humor doesn’t scream “smart investing.” She believes most memecoins, birthed by AI chatbots and meme-loving millennials, are destined to join your lost socks in the mysterious void of uselessness.

Wood didn’t stop there. Oh no. She threw her weight behind the big crypto players like Bitcoin, Ethereum, and Solana—basically the Wall Street wolves of the crypto jungle doing intense push-ups. According to her, these assets are multiplying faster than rabbits at a motivational retreat and are only going to bulk up more glistening muscles over time. 💪

For those dabbling in memecoins hoping for riches, Wood offered a sharp “beware” echoing through the ethers of regret. She warned these viral coins would soon become the financial equivalent of unsold Beanie Babies—utterly “worthless.” 🧸

“Nothing teaches people faster than losing money,” she declared, channeling her inner philosopher. “The SEC isn’t babysitting your fingerprint-adorned Doge tokens, folks.” But wait—there’s a twist. Some memecoins might just survive the dumpster fire, including the TRUMP token. Clearly, irony deserves its own NFT. 🏷️

Adding fuel to this comedy of errors, the SEC officially declared memecoins “collectibles” rather than securities. So yes, they’re basically the financial equivalent of Pokémon cards. Collect away, young Padawans! 🎴

If clout were a currency, we’d all be billionaires 🤷‍♀️

Currently, memecoins sport a combined market cap of $51.6 billion—that’s a lot of digital chihuahuas being traded out there. But rewind to December, and the market cap was sitting pretty at a peak of $137 billion. Fast-forward back to reality, and it’s down by a whopping $86 billion. Coin crash central. 🚨

Your friendly reminder: trending memecoins have crashed harder than your hopes for a tax refund. Exhibit A: Argentina’s LIBRA memecoin, down 94%. Exhibit B: TRUMP memecoin, down 85% from its peak. C’mon, even your spinach smoothie had more longevity. 🥴

Memecoin portfolio collapse

Want more cringe? Viral memecoin analyst Murad Mahmudov, aka “Captain Meme Portfolio,” saw his holdings nose-dive quick enough to inspire a Netflix docuseries. In January, his crypto assets were worth $54 million. By March, they’d plummeted to $12 million—because apparently memecoins collapse faster than Aperol spritz sales in winter. By mid-March, the poor guy’s portfolio barely scraped $10 million. Big oof. 🤦‍♂️

Murad’s main ~gem~ SPX fell from $1.52 to $0.39, a catastrophic dip of nearly 80%. Meanwhile, his other “I can’t believe this exists” tokens—like GIGA, RETARDIO, MOG, and MEMDEX—followed suit, plummeting into irrelevance. But hey, memes never die, right? 💔

Want a cherry on top of this chaotic sundae? Matrixport’s recent report reminds us that even with strong global liquidity and a weakening U.S. dollar, memecoins remain stubbornly… well, unlucky. Not only that, but Pump.fun’s daily revenue sounds more like Pump.none right now. Tough times, folks. 🥲

“`

Read More

2025-03-19 14:30