As a film critic who’s been trudging through the snowy wilderness of Hollywood for decades, I’ve seen my fair share of cinematic coal lumps disguised as holiday cheer. But “Red One” takes the cake, or rather, the lump of coal, in terms of sheer unadulterated ugliness and artificiality.
Don’t mix up Dwayne Johnson‘s movie “Red One,” a holiday action-fantasy-comedy, with his 2021 action-comedy crime film “Red Notice.” While the latter is currently playing in theaters, the former was exclusively released on Netflix and quickly became one of their most streamed titles before fading into obscurity. It’s as if it never happened at all.
As a devoted admirer, I must say that Jake Kasdan’s take on the holiday season, though it boldly asserts “Future Holiday Classic!” in every frame, appears less likely to deviate significantly from its predecessors. This visually grandiose, heavily computer-generated film seems bereft of emotional depth and infectious wit, despite making a valiant effort to breathe some poignancy into the finale.
The screenplay for the Fast & Furious franchise by longtime contributor Chris Morgan, based on a story by producer Hiram Garcia, feels like it was conceived during a brainstorming session where an enthusiastic junior studio executive might have suggested, “How about we create a tale reminiscent of Elf, but with a kidnapping scenario and an abundance of cutting-edge technology?
In this film, Johnson teams up with Chris Evans in an unexpected partnership on a world-wide adventure to locate J.K. Simmons’ kidnapped Santa Claus (codename “Red One”). The goal is for him to get on the sleigh in time to save Christmas. It’s filled with folklore and enchantment, but it strangely lacks that magical touch.
Evans portrays Jack O’Malley, initially depicted as a disrespectful child (Wyatt Hunt) who extorts money from his relatives by claiming to have evidence that Santa Claus is not real. Fast forward three decades, and he’s casually stealing lattes from café counters on his way home, where he sits in front of multiple computer screens, exploring the dark corners of the internet as a renowned hacker/tracer-for-hire, known by the alias “The Wolf.
Johnston is Callum Drift, leader of the North Pole’s E.L.F. (Enforcement, Logistics and Fortification) security team, who ensures Santa’s safety. Nick Simmons, affectionately known as Cal, often conducts preliminary checks at department stores prior to the annual delivery. The film portrays him in a manner reminiscent of a U.S. president, complete with a motorcade escorting him from the mall to a hangar where his team of digitally enhanced reindeer are prepared for flight, their golden sleigh resembling a modern chariot.
After taking flight, they rapidly accelerate and dash swiftly towards the North Pole, a city enclosed within a dome that boasts cutting-edge technology while being populated by elves who bear an eerie resemblance to mutated Yoda-like figures in what seems like a child labor environment. Santa exchanges greetings with Mrs. Claus (Bonnie Hunt) before plunging into his fitness regimen, lifting substantial weights to ensure he’s in peak condition for the upcoming night.
The sole reason for Santa to look displeased stems from Cal’s decision, following centuries of partnership, to step down, which means this will be their last Christmas together. Unlike Nick, Cal seems to have lost faith in humanity: “I adore the children, but the adults are driving me crazy.” For the first instance, the list of naughty children outnumbers the nice ones, and Cal expresses sorrow that people don’t seem to care.
In the meantime, Jack, secretly funded by an unknown entity, is breaking into the Intercontinental Seismic Surveillance System for a hefty paycheck. He locates an old entrance at the North Pole that has been hidden for centuries, and soon after, a skilled team sneaks in, breaching the dome, and steals Red One while Cal is pursuing distractions.
In this urgent situation, M.O.R.A., or Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (with plenty of abbreviations), swiftly responds. Zoe Harlow, the organization’s director (played by Lucy Liu), seemingly finds the elusive Wolf in a flash. As a result, Jack is forced to collaborate with Cal to identify the kidnappers and save Santa.
After the impressive performance I gave in Steven Soderbergh’s chilling house movie, Presence (opening January 24), it’s truly disheartening to find myself typecast in such a run-of-the-mill role in Red One. Despite my chance to show off some fighting skills in a fight scene, the camera swiftly pans away from me to the heavily armed men. As a fan who loved seeing your work in Presence, I had hoped for more from you in this film.
It’s not unexpected, considering the abundant testosterone that seems to be flowing through the veins of this aggressively unappealing film. From muscular Santa figures to security teams armed with advanced technology and stylish vehicles, from stunts akin to Transformers to scenes bordering on PG-13 levels of violence.
And that’s even before we get to gnarly muscle-bound goat-man Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), Santa’s adopted half-brother. This Dark Lord of Winter defected long ago to a gloomy German castle in the Black Forest, guarded by hellhounds, where his favored nightly ritual is a face-walloping contest with volunteers from his court of freaks.
As a gamer, I found myself diving into a movie that aimed for the thrill of mythological mysteries and non-stop action, but what I got was more like a bloated vessel, constantly dragging its feet. The hyperactive score by Henry Jackman only added to the breathless pace, yet the experience was rarely enjoyable.
Much like Krampus is a character from Alpine European folklore associated with Yule, Morgan’s screenplay weaves in the Icelandic Christmas Witch Grýla (played by Kiernan Shipka, reminiscent of Björk), a 900-year-old shapeshifter. She transitions from a grotesque ogre to a seductive minx that bears resemblance to the character from M3GAN. However, unlike in the lighthearted robot thriller, there’s no room for its charming campiness in this grim setting.
The interlude that comes closest to generating laughs is the brief appearance of Nick Kroll as Ted, who heads up a death-mercenary security force known as the Karmanians. (If you think there’s a Kardashian allusion there, you’ll be waiting for a joke that doesn’t happen.) When Cal and Jack get to Ted on a beach in Aruba, he’s suspended in mid-air by his ankles, possessed by the demonic voice of Grýla. But the droll Kroll is not around long enough to up the levity.
The primary responsibility for that role generally falls upon Evans, who, in truth, merits more and can only accomplish so much with the dull dialogue. Johnson, teaming up with his director once more on two Jumanji follow-ups, is tasked with playing the straight man, maintaining a serious and purposeful demeanor throughout until the narrative necessitates him to smile again.
Both Krampus and Grýla, who commands a unit of deadly giant snowmen and apparently has 13 sons who kill on command, are villains whose fundamental policy difference with Santa is their focus on punishing those on the Naughty List rather than rewarding those who qualify as Nice.
It turns out that Jack, predictably, is a high-ranking member on the “Naughty List” at level 4, and his poor behavior has unfortunately influenced his teenage son Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), despite being an absent father who rarely spends time with him. There’s a fair amount of humorous but jaded conversation between Cal and Jack, yet if you haven’t anticipated the emotional transformation of both characters by the film’s end, then you might still hold onto your Christmas spirit.
This holiday movie, bordering on being titled “Christmas with High-Speed Chaos“, is so garish, synthetic, and excessively long that it might disillusion children about the magic of Christmas. It stands as a testament to how computer graphics have limited the creative minds of modern filmmakers – offering endless possibilities but often at the cost of genuine emotion. In essence, “Red One” is like a chunk of coal in your stocking on Christmas morning.
Read More
Sorry. No data so far.
2024-11-06 08:25