🤑💸 “Bitcoin Bonanza: Rumble’s $17.1m Heist!”
As I sat amidst the bleakness of the Soviet Union’s economic wasteland, I couldn’t help but ponder the absurdity of the modern world’s obsession with Bitcoin. And yet, here we are, with Rumble, a video platform, shelling out $17.1 million for 188 of these digital tokens. The average price per coin? A paltry $91,000. One can only imagine the looks on the faces of the comrades, if they were to know that their hard-earned roubles were being squandered on such frivolities.
But, I digress. Rumble’s CEO, Chris Pavlovski, speaks of Bitcoin’s role as a hedge against inflation, and how it aligns with the company’s broader crypto-focused strategy. Ah, the classic tale of the “smart investment” – a euphemism for “we have no idea what we’re doing, but it sounds good.” These are the same minds that once convinced us that socialism would bring about a utopia of abundance and equality. Ha!
As I walked through the desolate streets of Leningrad, I couldn’t help but think of the words of the great Russian poet, Vladimir Mayakovsky: “The old cannot understand the new.” Indeed, Rumble’s decision to allocate up to $20 million to Bitcoin reflects a trend among public companies, which are adopting Bitcoin as part of their treasury management strategies. It’s as if they’re trying to out-Soviet the Soviets themselves.
But what’s the point of it all? Is it merely a matter of speculating on the whims of the market, or is there something more sinister at play? The CEO’s words echo the empty promises of the Soviet leadership: “These holdings have the potential to serve as a valuable hedge against inflation.” Ah, yes, because nothing says “valuable hedge” like a digital token that’s as volatile as a Russian winter.
Rumble’s move into crypto and Bitcoin reflects a trend among public companies, such as MicroStrategy and Marathon Digital, which are adopting Bitcoin as part of their treasury management strategies. It’s a trend that’s as predictable as the rising sun in the East. And what’s next? Will they be investing in tulip bulbs and expecting a similar return? 🤣
Last December, Tether made a $775 million investment in the platform, with a portion of the funds designated for growth initiatives. Ah, the classic tale of the “growth initiative” – a euphemism for “we have no idea how to make money, so let’s just throw more money at it.” And in addition to its crypto investments, Rumble recently announced a cloud services partnership with the government of El Salvador. Because, of course, the key to economic growth is partnering with a country that’s still trying to figure out how to use the internet.
As I look out at the ruins of the Soviet Union, I’m reminded of the words of the great Russian philosopher, Mikhail Bakunin: “The state is the greatest enemy of humanity.” Indeed, Rumble’s foray into crypto and Bitcoin is a perfect example of how the state – in this case, the company – can become an enemy of humanity, perpetuating a cycle of speculation and greed.
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2025-03-12 17:44