Russia Plans to Lasso Crypto Cowboys with National Rules 🐎

When it comes to cryptocurrencies, the Russian Ministry of Finance seems to have decided it’s about time to toss on a pair of regulatory pants and stop letting the crypto crowd run wild like unsupervised toddlers in a candy store. 🚸

Deputy Minister Ivan Chebeskov, speaking to TASS (a news agency known for delivering information in a tone only marginally warmer than Siberia in January), shared the Ministry’s master plan: a national infrastructure so prim and proper it could make an accountant blush. Essentially, they want to evict crypto out of its current “gray area”—a term that, it seems, covers anything from sketchy offshore dealings to your cousin Vasily’s dodgy mining setup in the basement. 😏

“We not only support this, but we’ve worked together with the central bank. As you know, the Ministry of Finance has always had the position that the digital currency market needs to be maximally legalized and regulated.”
– Ivan Chebeskov

Chebeskov added, with the enthusiasm of someone selling slightly expired cabbage, that they’ll be trying out this whole crypto-regulation jazz through an experimental legal regime. The Bank of Russia, playing the hall monitor here, will make sure nobody cheats on their homework or, heaven forbid, uses crypto “inefficiently.” 🚓

“We hope this will be another step towards further legalization of digital currencies in our country. Naturally, no one is talking about settlements within the country. We have never supported that, but from the perspective of creating infrastructure so that digital currencies can circulate legally, not in any ‘gray zones’ like it happens now, we are fully on board and will continue working in this direction.”
– Ivan Chebeskov

Meanwhile, the Bank of Russia has floated a bright and cheery three-year plan to regulate crypto investments. And here’s the kicker: it’s not exactly open season for everyone. Only “particularly qualified” investors can join the crypto shindig — a group so exclusive it makes VIP wine tastings look like a packed subway car at rush hour. 🍷👜

To qualify, you’ll need to meet one of two impressive-sounding requirements: have investments totaling more than 100 million Russian rubles (that’s a lot of rubles, comrade) or rake in an annual income of over 50 million rubles. In other words, unless you’ve struck gold mining Bitcoin or own a chain of caviar shops, tough luck. 🤷‍♂️

So, there you have it. The Ministry and the Bank of Russia are rolling up their sleeves (or, let’s be honest, delegating the task to interns) to corral the unruly world of crypto. Will the initiative succeed, or will it turn into yet another “gray area” circus with more red tape than sense? Only time—and possibly Vasily’s basement—will tell. 🕰️

2025-03-13 13:35

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