This week, our far-flung American cousins in the House of Representatives crafted what they called a “market structure bill,” a document with as much structure as my neighbor Ivan Ivanovich’s potato cellar—a marvel to behold, if only anyone knew how to enter safely. Yet, the real stage was set in the Senate, where hope for rational debate was as thin as the soup at Aunt Katya’s wedding.

P.S. Next week I’m off to Toronto. If you spot a man gazing mournfully out a café window, muttering about consensus, that’s probably me. Stop by and sigh together.

You find yourself entangled in the “State of Crypto”—not a state one can visit (no fine river, very few trees), but a fine CoinDesk missive pondering the eternal tug-of-war between bravado and bureaucracy. Subscribe—if you yearn to suffer nobly with us.

Unstable movement

The curtain rises…

There are two entertainments on offer in Congress’s great winter festival: a bill to clarify who exactly gets to hold the ball with the stablecoins, and another to define what rules the crypto children must follow while playing near the federal regulators’ favorite statue. The stablecoin affair, we all agreed, was a gentle waltz—until, mid-spin, someone trod on Senator Schumer’s foot, and the music abruptly ceased.

Why should anyone care?

The stablecoin bill, so modest and well-behaved, was expected to glide through Congress unnoticed—like the aroma of last night’s stew. It affects a small corner of the digital village, whereas the market structure bill threatens to drag the whole populace to City Hall. Yet now, the stablecoin’s journey to President Trump’s desk grows more uncertain by the minute, and the villagers grow restless, grumbling into their telegrams.

Dissecting the farce

Let us be clear: no one really believes the Senate’s stablecoin bill (catchily entitled the GENIUS Act—because calling it “It Could Have Been Worse” felt too on-the-nose) is dead. Rather, it’s pacing the corridor, rehearsing its lines, and hoping someone will bring sandwiches. Lawmakers are reportedly locked in negotiations—presumably in a windowless room furnished with only yesterday’s coffee and existential dread. Rumor has it they may vote again by Monday, or by the next leap year.

Last Thursday, disaster struck: Democrats expressed concern about the bill’s provisions (words like ‘national security’ and ‘accountability’ were flung with the carelessness of a tipsy uncle at a wedding), while Republicans insisted that stablecoins would simply explode if action wasn’t taken. As for President Trump, his alleged moonlighting as a stablecoin profiteer inspired a flurry of new legislation—from the “End Crypto Corruption Act”, whose remarkably long subtitle nearly exceeded the bill itself, to other measures designed to prevent anyone within three degrees of the executive branch from so much as uttering the word “crypto” without a notary present.

By Wednesday, a deal was rumored: Democrats might secure a vote on the End Crypto Corruption Act as a sweetener. Tragically, the legislative kitchen ran out of sugar—or perhaps salt—and the motion was tabled. On Thursday, the Senate voted: 48 said “no, thank you,” 49 said “perhaps later,” and one fellow switched sides in what parliamentary scholars refer to as “a tactical pirouette.”

Notably, the entire chamber voted on a bill no one had actually seen—proving once again that optimism is the strongest force in American politics.

Apparently, the cloture vote (an arcane rite requiring 60 Senators and at least three liters of strong tea) remains the chief tool for shaping the bill. Its outcome may finally tempt lawmakers to actually express a preference, provided they know what they’re preferring.

Most confidants (grizzled, stoic, possibly ghosts) agree that the President will not be formally banished from the stablecoin scene, though discussions continue around how to treat foreign issuers—because no bill is complete without arguing about something French.

The lurking menace? A protracted delay could mire the broader “market structure” bill—the equivalent of replacing all the bridges in Moscow during rush hour. Still, hope persists: should the Senate hurry up, the process *might* go as planned. And if not? We shall gather at Telegram and lament, as all good citizens do.

This week’s amusements

Tuesday, the House attempted a joint hearing on digital assets. Ms. Maxine Waters, unsatisfied with joint anything, decided to hold her own hearing focused entirely on President Trump’s crypto escapades. One chair, zero consensus, plenty of coffee.

Thursday, news arrived that the former Celsius CEO received a dozen years’ holiday at a government facility—having misunderstood the difference between commodities, securities, and, apparently, liberty.

If you have opinions, questions, or simply feel that life is too short for unsent emails, write to nik@coindesk.com. Bluesky and Telegram also accept visitors, provided you bring your sense of irony.

Until next week, my friends—may all your stablecoins be only moderately unstable. 🥃

Read More

• DEEP PREDICTION. DEEP cryptocurrency

• Ludus promo codes (April 2025)

• CXT PREDICTION. CXT cryptocurrency

• Mini Heroes Magic Throne tier list

• Best Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Remastered sex mods for 2025

• Tap Force tier list of all characters that you can pick

• Maiden Academy tier list

• KAITO PREDICTION. KAITO cryptocurrency

• Call of Antia tier list of best heroes

• CRK Boss Rush guide – Best cookies for each stage of the event

2025-05-10 18:29