South Park Couples Ranked: From Sweet to Soul-Crushing

by

In the quaint mountain setting of South Park, romance isn’t typically a fitting match. Instead, the town is more apt to host alien invasions than foster harmonious relationships. Consequently, it’s no wonder that many couples in South Park struggle, argue frequently, or ultimately face failure. However, there are some characters who have bucked the trend and found genuinely loving connections despite the odds.

It’s often challenging to decide if the couples from the show are destined for love or not because they rarely appear together. Nevertheless, it appears clear that five of these characters are on a path towards heartbreak, while the remaining five might find genuine joy in their relationships.

10
Best: Tolkien Black and Nichole Daniels

In Season 16, episode “Cartman Finds Love,” is where Tolkien and Nichole initially crossed paths for the first time. Once Nichole arrived in town, Cartman felt a fated connection between them, as they were both the only black students at school. He took various manipulative measures to foster their relationship. These included confining them in a locker room, leading Nichole to believe her crush, Kyle, was gay, and presenting them with teddy bears, claiming they had been exchanged by each other.

In the end, this final action caused Nicole to decide to end her relationship with Tolkien, as she started to fear that their romance was based solely on their ethnicity. Luckily, they eventually addressed these concerns and opted to stay together, disregarding other people’s views.

Sweet but Understated

It’s worth noting that this duo hasn’t been very visible since they started dating, but they split up during the episode “Skank Hunk.” However, it seems that most fourth-grade couples called it quits around the same time, as suggested in “Dead Kids.” As of now, they appear to be attempting to rebuild their relationship. In fact, their ability to discuss their problems and find enjoyment in each other’s company, as depicted in “Cartman Finds Love,” suggests a relatively stable relationship for two youngsters—and that’s saying something coming from the world of South Park.

9
Worst: Randy and Sharon Marsh

Randy and Sharon are the parents of Stan and Shelly. Despite having some pleasant instances across the series, most of their relationship has been marked by arguments. They went through divorce twice, first in the Season 2 episode titled “Clubhouses” and again in Season 15’s “You’re Getting Old.” Regrettably, their issues seem to be escalating, as Randy’s ambition to run a marijuana farm has become a recurring source of distress for Sharon.

Not End Game

In the final episode of the season, it was clear that Sharon expressed delight when Randy got arrested. Moreover, in the series “South Park: Post Covid,” it became known that Sharon and Randy had nearly divorced for a third time. Given these events, it seems plausible to think that Sharon and Randy aren’t destined to be together. As Randy’s behavior becomes increasingly problematic, Sharon might recall the saying “third time’s a charm.

8
Best: Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger

In the opening episode of the series, we’re introduced to the dynamic between Stan and Wendy. During a botched attempt at kissing, Stan accidentally vomited on her, a comedic element that would resurface later. They both featured prominently in noteworthy episodes such as “Insheeption” and “The List.” In the former, Wendy stands by Stan during his struggle with hoarding, while in the latter, they team up to discover the mystery behind the secret list of girls.

Deep Learning

Without a doubt, Stan and Wendy are extremely compatible, but they can also bring out negative aspects in each other. In “Tom’s Rhinoplasty,” Wendy’s jealousy over Stan led her to plot her teacher’s murder, and after their breakup in “Raisins,” Stan fell into a profound depression. They both need to learn more about each other and their relationship, as they attempted to do in the episode with the same name. The results were mixed, and while their relationship is stable for now, they still have room for growth to prevent a repeat of Stan’s parents’ fate.

7
Worst: Carol and Stuart McCormick

The McCormick couple, Carol and Stuart, who are Kenny’s parents, are arguably the most contentious pair on the show. Despite being together for over a decade, they struggle with effective communication, and it seems their only mutual interest is drug use. In the episode “The Poor Kid,” their quarrels escalated to such an extent that they found themselves on the reality TV show “I’m White Trash and I’m in Trouble.” Tragically, though entirely warranted, this led to their children being removed from their care.

Poor Relationship Skills

When sober, Stuart appears genuinely concerned about Carol, and she reciprocates these feelings. Regrettably, such instances are scarce, with their relationship predominantly characterized by drug use, quarrels, and violent altercations. Adversely, it appears that the poor living conditions and financial struggles have worsened their problems, but in essence, they bear responsibility for the breakdown of their relationship.

6
Best: Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave

Mr. Slave and Big Gay Al are two openly gay characters in South Park, and during the episode “Follow that Egg!”, it became clear that they had begun a romantic relationship, which initially upset Mr. Slave’s former partner, Mrs. Garrison. Despite her attempts to break them up, by the end of the episode, they were married. In another episode called “The F Word,” the couple was distressed when they heard the boys using a derogatory term for homosexuals. However, upon discovering that it was being used to refer to Harley riders instead, they decided it was time for a new definition.

They’re Super, Thanks for Asking

In simpler terms, Big Gay Al assisted Mr. Slave in understanding his worth exceeded what Mr./Mrs. Garrison could offer, which led to Mr. Slave reciprocating genuine love and loyalty towards Big Gay Al. Despite appearing infrequently since then, they form one of the more enduring couples from South Park, as their relationship is underpinned by mutual regard and concern for each other.

5
Worst: Stephen and Linda Stotch

In the episode titled “Butters’ Very Own Story,” Stephen and Linda are depicted as harsh and inappropriate parents towards Butters. In this particular storyline, it is revealed that Stephen was unfaithful to Linda, leading her to attempt to harm Butters, believing he wouldn’t survive without her since she intended to take her own life. They subsequently tried to conceal the attempted murder by falsely accusing an unspecified Puerto Rican individual. However, their confession of the crime only added more complications to their already dire situation.

Bad Couple, Worse Parents

Despite not having intentions to harm Butters intentionally, Stephen and Linda are persistently restricting him and sometimes even physically punishing him. Though they haven’t had any major disagreements or violent incidents since, if a relationship is about truthfulness, understanding, and fostering personal growth, this couple seems to be missing the mark significantly.

4
Best: PC Principal and Strong Woman

In an unexpected yet foreseeable twist during Season 21, the duo comprising PC Principal and Strong Woman emerged as a pair. While he is PC and she is Strong, they form an unstoppable team. Initially, it took some time for them to navigate through professional boundaries and her independence, but eventually, their feelings became clear. Now, they are happily raising five PC offspring together.

Strong Relationship

In “Splatty Tomato”, what started as a secret relationship has grown stronger now that it’s become public knowledge. So far, they seem to be excelling in both parenting their kids and standing by each other, come what may.

3
Worst: Saddam Hussein and Satan

Bigger, Longer & Uncut”, they briefly reconnected in “Do the Handicapped Go to Hell?”. However, in the episode “Probably”, Satan sent Saddam to Heaven, marking the apparent end of their tumultuous relationship… or so it seems.

He Can’t Change

Through his song “I Can Change,” it appeared that Saddam prioritized self-interest over others. In hindsight, Satan was well within his rights to end his relationship with the dictator and expel him from Heaven. The only disappointment was that this separation occurred later rather than sooner.

2
Best: Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker

The top-ranked pair from South Park demonstrates that the influence of devoted Japanese fanbase, often referred to as “girl shippers,” is unstoppable. Their initial encounter, in the episode “Tweek vs. Craig,” was far from a romantic moment, as they engaged in a physical altercation. However, as the series progressed, several schoolmates began creating yaoi art featuring them, which led many townspeople to believe they were destined for each other. Initially resistant, the boys eventually acknowledged they had no power over fate, and after embracing their relationship, it evolved into something genuine.

Put It Down (in the ‘South Park’ History Books)

Following their sham romantic arrangement, the duo grew more intimate and forged a genuine connection. The depth of Craig’s affection and assistance towards Tweek is most evident in “Put it Down,” as Craig devotes the entire episode to helping Tweek conquer his fears. Naturally, their relationship isn’t flawless, as demonstrated in “Buddha Box,” where Craig attempts to evade the stresses of their bond. Nevertheless, they are frequently depicted holding hands, providing support, and simply being present for one another, even in the Post-COVID episode. Initially a jest, they’ve since evolved into the most heartwarming and sincere relationship on the series.

1
Worst: Heidi Turner and Eric Cartman

In an unexpected turn of events, it was revealed in Season 20 that Cartman and Heidi started dating. Their relationship seemed to have originated from online circumstances, and for a while, Heidi managed to make a positive impact on Cartman. However, as the season progressed, several issues surfaced. Cartman found himself entangled in lies, while Heidi grew concerned that she might have made a mistake, though unwilling to admit it. By Season 21, their relationship had deteriorated significantly, with Cartman attempting to get Heidi kidnapped by a witch due to her tardiness, and later, Heidi transforming into a miniature version of Cartman who embraced her own negative traits.

The Worst of the Worst

It’s quite astonishing that on a list containing Saddam and Satan, Heidi and Cartman have emerged as the most dysfunctional couple. However, considering all the reprehensible acts Cartman has committed throughout the series, it’s not entirely unexpected. Luckily, they’ve since parted ways, with Heidi gradually trying to revert back to her original self. Regrettably, she once reconciled with Cartman despite her better judgment, and we can merely hope that she won’t repeat the same error in the future.

Read More

2025-01-19 03:32