The Most Hilarious and Shocking Quotes from Billy Bob Thornton’s ‘Landman’!

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I’ve found myself deeply connected with stories about tough, rugged men, whether they’re cowboys in Yellowstone, mafiosos in Tulsa King, or power brokers in Mayor of Kingstown, as crafted by Taylor Sheridan. His latest success, Landman, debuted in 2024 and stars Billy Bob Thornton as Tommy Norris, delving into the intricacies of a unique professional group – the Texas oil industry. Unlike other shows that focus on the high-stakes boardroom drama of a billionaire tycoon (with Jon Hamm delivering an impressive portrayal), Landman zeroes in on the gritty, day-to-day labor that keeps this industry thriving.

Tommy functions as a liaison for M-TEX Oil, a role often referred to as a landman. His responsibilities include arranging leases with landowners, acting as an intermediary between field workers and higher management, and essentially serving as a problem solver in any unforeseen situations that may arise. A typical day for him might involve negotiating large-scale deals worth millions, witnessing unfortunate accidents like a worker being injured by heavy pipes, and confronting Mexican drug cartels. He’s known for his straightforward communication style and is simply working to navigate through each challenging day.

In a situation where his pinky finger is severely injured by a sledgehammer and medical help seems slow in coming, Tommy expresses his frustration by saying, “This isn’t a major issue; I’m not willing to endure a dozen operations for an entire year over this. Just amputate it and stitch up the wound.” Faced with disbelief from the ER doctor, he pulls out a knife and performs the amputation himself. Tommy prioritizes his work over hospital visits and family obligations, and prefers eating Vienna sausages straight from the can, cold.

From my perspective as a movie critic, let me tell you that the ‘pinky scene’ is merely the beginning of a fascinating journey with the character Tommy. Almost every word spoken by Tommy will either make you chuckle or leave you in disbelief, but what truly sets him apart are his extended soliloquies, masterfully delivered by Billy Bob Thornton. These monologues are often sarcastic, brash, and peppered with profanity, yet they always carry a crucial message that’s both thought-provoking and insightful – messages that sometimes seem as if they’re intended for the audience themselves.

10
“I quit drinking. I’ll stick with beer.”

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One key aspect about Tommy Norris that becomes apparent early on is his status as a person in recovery from alcohol addiction, a topic he often addresses throughout the series. Yet, Tommy has a unique perspective on sobriety – one that encompasses beer consumption. When others challenge him on this, he’s not receptive to lectures about alcohol content; instead, he simply requests his glass of Ultra, if you don’t mind.

BARTENDER: You sticking with beer or you want something stronger?

TOMMY: I quit drinking. I’ll stick with beer.

BARTENDER: You know, there’s alcohol in that, right?

TOMMY: It’s a Michelob Ultra. There’s more alcohol in orange juice.”

It’s evident that Tommy hasn’t given up hard liquor for health reasons – he’s a heavy smoker instead – and while we never see him drunk, it’s easy to imagine. His behavior might be just as uncouth and irritable, but his job performance would likely suffer even more. Operating heavy machinery while under the influence is risky.

Still, Tommy’s struggles with alcoholism are met with respect for his resilience. He’s demonstrated the ability to overcome adversity in the past, such as during an oil crisis where he lost almost everything. He doesn’t whine about his situation; instead, he keeps moving forward one step at a time.

His determination to avoid alcohol, given his high-pressure and demanding job, is admirable.

9
“Good and bad don’t factor into this.”

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In a new role, Kayla Wallace portrays Rebecca Falcone, a passionate environmental attorney dispatched to Midland following an oil rig blast that claimed lives of three M-TEX employees. Initially at odds with Tommy, due to her eco-friendly stance and opposition to fossil fuels, she proves herself as a force to be reckoned with in her profession. The series culminates with Rebecca joining M-TEX, serving as a negotiator, despite her reservations about the industry’s complexities and ethical implications of working for an oil conglomerate. Tommy, however, is quick to challenge her perspective on the matter.

REBECCA: I have a really hard time advocating for something I believe is wrong.

TOMMY: Regardless of good or bad, Rebecca, our ancestors established a system that relies on this stuff we’re holding. As long as it requires fuel, we need to keep supplying it, or the world will cease functioning. There is an option available. You could discard your phone and swap your car for a bike or a horse and hunt your own food while living in a tent. However, you’d be alone, and your actions wouldn’t have any impact on a global scale. Additionally, I’ve heard that the moral high ground can get quite chilly at night.

In the series “Landman,” Rebecca is the lone figure who doesn’t fully support big oil, serving as a stand-in for viewers with differing viewpoints on the industry. Tommy frequently responds to her arguments by highlighting the importance of oil, which also serves to educate the audience about the viewpoints of people living in these communities. Given that Taylor Sheridan is the writer and his commitment to authentic portrayals of the American South, it seems that this balance of perspectives is intentionally crafted.

8
“Trying to get money from a billionaire is like pulling teeth.”

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In the series Landman, Jon Hamm portrays Monty Miller, a billionaire businessman who owns M-TEX and is Tommy’s old colleague and friend. While the other characters lead simpler lives, Monty’s life presents stark contrasts, as evidenced by his expansive mansion shared with his wife Cami (Demi Moore), two teenage daughters, and frequent disregard towards them. His days are filled with schmoozing Senators, reprimanding environmental advocates in boardrooms, and shouting into his mobile phone, whether it’s from the back of his limo or, as we’ve seen, in a hospital following his fifth heart attack. As they say, being at the helm is never an effortless task.

Good heavens! To put it mildly, asking for money from a billionaire feels as challenging as extracting a tooth. It’s almost as if I’ve requested something as precious as a kidney.

Despite considering Monty a friend, Tommy often feels exasperated when his boss clings to frugality over necessary spending. He prefers investing in mending faulty wells (for future returns, not out of concern for OSHA standards or worker welfare) compared to fairly compensating families of deceased workers – even if it’s a minor expense in the grand scheme of his wealth. Tommy uniquely occupies a position that allows him to observe the significant socio-economic divide between oil magnates and their employees.

7
“Don’t get syphilis.”

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Angela Norris is presented to Landman viewers as Tommy’s brash, blonde, well-endowed former spouse who shares a tumultuous yet passionate connection with him. They can just as easily exchange harsh words as they can share intimate moments – whether it’s before or after their reconciliation. In response to Angela mentioning her upcoming vacation with her new wealthy husband (the man she left Tommy for during the oil crisis) and trying to advise him about their daughter, Tommy retorts with this witty comment:

“I guess I won’t be able to afford a new yacht then.

Here’s a more polite and respectful way of expressing that message:

“You know, one of the advantages of being divorced is not having to deal with unwanted comments anymore. Have a wonderful time at the beach! Your outfit looks lovely on you. Be safe and take care.

In this conversation, though it may seem odd, it truly reflects the relationship between Tommy and Angela. Their words are coarse and sharp, yet there’s a sense of bonding and concern underlying them. Despite their continued harshness towards each other after attempting another chance, the affection for their children is evident. It’s not a storybook romance, but they find comfort in the chaos they created together.

6
“Fathers and daughters need to live by a code.”

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In the TV series “Landman,” Season 1, 17-year-old daughter Aynsley is portrayed as the least fleshed-out main character. Her identity primarily revolves around her interest in sex and aspiration to be an ideal trophy wife. There’s a striking resemblance between her and her mother, but it’s her dynamic with her father that truly showcases their contrasting natures. Tommy embodies the stereotypical furious dad, ever ready to confront any footballer who comes near his little girl. However, when Aynsley moves in with him, he is compelled to acknowledge her maturity, and finds himself uncomfortable as her maturing sexuality becomes more prominent.

TOMMY: In case you haven’t figured it out, you’re grounded.

AYNSLEY: Hang on a moment. It seems like you can’t punish me for breaking the house rules because the legal age of consent in Texas is 17, and that’s against my constitutional rights.

TOMMY: Here’s what I suggest: Maintain a certain set of principles as a father and daughter, which includes promising to remain a virgin throughout your life, and if you have children in the future, let me know they were conceived artificially. If you can uphold this for me, I’ll cover your college expenses, a car like a BMW, an apartment, and more. However, could you kindly maintain this illusion for me?

AYNSLEY: So, you want me to lie?

TOMMY: With your whole heart.

In an unusual turn for Tommy, viewers notice that he willfully disregards facts when it comes to Aynsley, a stark departure from his usual discerning nature. Despite this, his strong desire to shield his daughter from the truth (as he perceives it) reveals a more tender side of him. This contrasts sharply with how he deals with Cooper, showing no hesitation in using sharp words towards his son, even though it’s clear that Tommy cares deeply for him.

5
“We have a 120-year petroleum-based infrastructure. Our whole lives depend on it.”

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Shortly following Rebecca’s arrival in town, there’s an interaction between her and Tommy. After expressing her views on the oil industry, suggesting wind turbines in the distance as an alternative, Tommy takes her to one to reinforce his perspective. As she gazes at the towering structure, he clarifies why her view might be off base.

Are you able to estimate roughly how many diesel fuel they consume to manufacture and transport that much concrete, construct steel structures, and assemble them using a 450-foot crane? Can you also make an educated guess about the amount of oil required for lubrication and winterization during its lifespan? It’s worth noting that over its 20-year lifespan, it won’t be able to compensate for the carbon emissions produced in its creation.

Let’s not even discuss solar panels and the lithium in Tesla batteries right now. And I should mention, if every country switched to electric vehicles overnight, there wouldn’t be enough power lines to transport electricity to cities. It would take about 30 years just to build the necessary infrastructure if we started today. Regrettably, our children and grandchildren will still be living in a world heavily reliant on petroleum for over a century. Our daily lives are deeply intertwined with this system.

Incredibly, this substance can be found in just about everything – like the road we traveled on. It’s present in every vehicle’s wheels, including yours. You’ll find it in tennis rackets, lipstick, refrigerators, antihistamines, and almost anything plastic. That includes your cell phone case, artificial heart valves, synthetic clothing, soap, hand lotion, garbage bags, fishing boats – you name it. It’s everywhere. Here’s the catch: We might exhaust our supply of it before we discover a suitable substitute.

In Tommy’s presentation, Rebecca’s character serves as an effective tool for instruction. The educational aspect is evident yet hardly irritating due to Billy Bob Thornton’s compelling portrayal of the role (possibly written by Taylor Sheridan with him in mind). This approach adds credibility to Tommy’s character, allowing him to be tough when needed because he possesses the knowledge and expertise to validate his behavior.

4
“Getting oil out of the ground’s the most dangerous job in the world.”

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Here’s another example of Tommy explaining the oil industry to Rebecca, but this time with a broader implication. It encapsulates the main theme of the show by showing how these companies must evolve to meet the demands of a world heavily reliant on an energy source they often criticize, yet would struggle without – and it’s no simple task.

Extracting oil from the ground is the riskiest occupation globally. It isn’t a choice we enjoy; it’s a necessity born out of limited alternatives. Instead of seeking someone to pin the danger on, your boss isn’t the culprit here – it’s the relentless need for continued extraction that puts us in harm’s way.

The lesson Tommy conveys about the hazardous nature of work is consistently demonstrated throughout the series. One moment, someone casually talks with a friend while turning a pipe wrench on a valve. The very next instant, the pump erupts, claiming three lives and irrevocably altering many more. Alternatively, a man expresses dissatisfaction over an order, only to lose his balance while standing atop a truck carrying steel pipes. Just ten seconds later, he’s tragically crushed by the load and frantically trying to reach his wife before succumbing to his injuries. Landman, without hesitation, exposes these grim occupational realities directly to the audience’s attention.

3
“You f***ed with the wrong hillbilly.”

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In the midst of the strained relationship between myself and my son, Cooper, I swiftly step up to protect him when he’s on the brink of being brutally attacked by his crew, who wrongfully accuse him of causing an explosion that claimed the lives of their loved ones. After making sure Cooper is safe in the hospital and giving myself a bit of a headstart with the help of the Sheriff, I rally Dale and set out to confront the culprits – not just as a superior figure, but also as a father who’s determined to protect his son from harm.

Please take a seat, Manuel. Let me explain the situation. Unfortunately, it’s come to this – you are being terminated. By tomorrow at noon, your name will be on a list that oil companies in the Permian Basin won’t hire from. A sheriff is en route here, and he might arrest you for illegal possession of a firearm, drugs, and possibly with intent to distribute them.

Any one of those actions breaches your parole, and on top of that, you’ve accumulated an aggravated assault charge and a kidnapping conviction because locking someone in is considered kidnapping. I may not be a mathematician, but that equals about 30 years. That’s the punishment for those who harm my family. You’ve messed with the wrong rural resident. I will steal 30 years from your life. And if you ever return to this location, I will take the rest of it.

In this instance, it’s clear that Tommy doesn’t shy away from physical violence when he or someone dear to him is betrayed, even if the betrayer is an ally. This brutal act against Manuel, who had his head injured with a pistol, underscores Tommy’s authority and conveys a stern warning to all: his family should not be underestimated or taken lightly.

2
“Dreamers and losers.”

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When Aynsley learns that her brother Cooper left college to work for Tommy at the Patch, she disparages him, unknowingly slandering their father and countless men laboring in the oil industry. As a naive teenager, Aynsley hasn’t fully understood the teachings that Tommy imparts upon Rebecca in this case. Instead of delivering a lecture on energy sources, Tommy is focused on addressing the human aspect of the situation. Why are these fields populated with workers? This is a question that Tommy finds himself pondering.

TOMMY: Here’s something I want to share with you. In the Patch, we have two categories of people: visionaries and underachievers. It used to be like that across the entire country too. Those who couldn’t make it went west – either to meet their end or find success. All the way to California. Now, I don’t see many dreamers out there anymore, only rogues and simpletons. The dreamers come here now, though. As for losers, they come here to triumph. What kind of person are you going to be?

AYNSLEY: A dreamer.

TOMMY: The first try usually doesn’t succeed, which could make you feel like a failure. I’m curious about how you plan to handle that situation.

For me, this quote encapsulates the reasons why so many individuals are drawn to these potentially risky professions. To some, it represents the last resort, an alternative to the destructive paths of gangs or incarceration and a means to secure financial stability. Yet, for others like Cooper, it serves as a stepping stone towards achieving the status of a Monty, amassing wealth and power by owning companies. Tommy’s analogy of oil as a modern-day gold rush resonates with me, underscoring the timeless human pursuit of fortune, with the only difference being the form that treasure takes over time.

1
“A wish in one hand is s*** in the other.”

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As a passionate film enthusiast, one scene in “Landman” truly stands out for me – it’s when Tommy delivers his fiery speeches, especially during the intense confrontations with the cartel, notably alongside my esteemed colleague, Andy Garcia, who graces our screens in the final episode. This particular quote carries a weight that surpasses its individual elements. It’s the opening scene of the series, which instantly sets the tone for Tommy’s character, revealing his nature even before we catch a glimpse of his face. In this scene, he’s bound to a chair, blindfolded, and under the gun’s menacing gaze – yet, his courage and resilience shine through.

CARTEL: We don’t want your oil here.

TOMMY: Well, a wish in one hand, is s*** in the other. See which fills up first.

Perhaps I’d sever you from head to toe, suspend you over a bridge as a warning. Would that attract the attention of oil companies, perhaps?

TOMMY: Initially, they will engage Halliburton to construct extensive files on you, which even the FBI could envy. Then, approximately 30 elite operators from Triple Canopy will raid your location, leaving you in a state resembling a broken piñata. If any of you should survive and attempt to return to Mexico, they will destroy your homes using drones, possibly with your families inside. The cost to establish a new well is six million dollars. They plan to install 800 such wells here, totaling $4.8 billion in pumpjacks. An additional billion will be spent on water, housing, and transportation infrastructure. At the current oil price of $78 per barrel, this amounts to $6.4 million daily profit for the next 50 years. Therefore, it is safe to say that the oil company is indeed on its way.

A person who dares to retaliate fiercely against a cartel when they are under their control, either possesses unyielding courage or a powerful argument – or both. Adding to the complexity, it takes remarkable skill to deliver such an aggressive speech without facial expressions for support. Fortunately, Billy Bob Thornton manages to convey his message effectively through just his voice. Remarkably, his rhythm and tone often communicate more than the words themselves. This opening scene gives viewers a clear idea of what they can expect and leaves them eager for more. Luckily, Season 2 of Landman is on its way.

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2025-02-23 03:07