These 15 January Movies Are So Bad They Should Be Buried!

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Every year in January, Hollywood carries out a low-key tradition. Following the brilliance of the award contenders in December and the excitement of holiday movies, the calendar starts anew, which some industry folks humorously call “discard month.” January, lacking the glitz and tension of other periods, serves as a storage for films that studios wish to release instead of keeping on hold indefinitely. These productions often come with cautious signs: weak marketing efforts, hurried post-production, or genre blends that didn’t spark enthusiasm during test screenings. Although a gem might occasionally appear, the cinematic landscape of January is usually filled with the awkward, the misguided, and sometimes the completely forgettable.

The Graveyard of Cinema: January’s Celluloid Missteps

In the mix of average films, some productions unfortunately fall into the category of being cringeworthy. By this, I don’t mean they received poor reviews or failed at the box office; instead, I refer to movies that seem to exemplify Hollywood’s overindulgence, blunders, or lack of artistic vision. These are the films that leave spectators puzzled (or even booing) due to sloppy screenplays, confusing narratives, or perplexing creative choices. Whether it’s a premature money-grab, a botched adaptation, or a misguided effort at family entertainment, these movies attain a notorious fame that outlasts their brief stint in theaters.

15
‘Monster Trucks’ (January 13, 2017)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 32%

In the movie titled “Monster Trucks“, Lucas Till plays Tripp, a teenage resident of a small town. One day, he stumbles upon an alien creature named Creech hiding within his rundown truck. Upon further discovery, Tripp realizes that Creech can control and supercharge the truck, essentially transforming it into a colossal “monster truck.” Joining forces with Meredith (played by Jane Levy), a science-oriented classmate, the story attempts to combine ecological warnings with entertaining action sequences. However, the far-fetched plotline and rough execution left viewers puzzled.

The Wheels Fall Off the Premise

Regardless of its whopping $125 million budget, the movie Monster Trucks faced issues with inconsistent tone. Trying to cater to kids while marketing it as a big-budget alien adventure created a challenge in attracting a consistent viewer base. Critics criticized the script’s lack of originality, repetitive plot points, and the jarring blend of slapstick humor and emotional melodrama. Even today, this film serves as a warning about investing heavily in an idea that might be too far-fetched for mass appeal but not eccentric enough to gain cult status.

14
‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop’ (January 16, 2009)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 34%

As a die-hard movie enthusiast, I’d say that Kevin James takes the spotlight as Paul Blart, an earnest yet bumbling mall security guard yearning for a life in law enforcement. In the midst of the chaotic holiday shopping frenzy, a band of crooks orchestrates a daring heist. Unbeknownst to them, Paul finds himself unwittingly standing as the mall’s final barrier. The movie attempts to blend slapstick humor with an endearing underdog tale, but it leans heavily on physical comedy and tired jokes that left critics less than impressed. However, despite the critical panning, the film managed to create a stir at the box office.

A Comedy Without Security

Critics found Paul Blart: Mall Cop predictable and lacking in creativity, leaning too much on low-brow humor such as fat jokes and slapstick comedy. Despite Kevin James’ charming portrayal of the main character, the movie’s excessive use of one-dimensional humor soon became tiresome. With a Rotten Tomatoes score of 34%, the film may have attracted an audience when it was first released, but it failed to make a significant cultural impression and is more often remembered as a joke than a triumph.

13
‘The Bye Bye Man’ (January 13, 2017)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 19%

As a cinephile, I must confess that my experience with “The Bye Bye Man” was less than satisfying. Instead of three college students – Elliot (Douglas Smith), Sasha (Cressida Bonas), and John (Lucien Laviscount) – stumbling upon an intriguing supernatural entity, they inadvertently summon a chilling force by learning his name. This malevolent being, the Bye Bye Man himself, skillfully manipulates his victims’ thoughts and actions, leading them down a dark path of madness and chaos.

The plot had the potential to explore psychological horror with a unique antagonist, but unfortunately, it failed to deliver. The storyline felt tired, filled with clichés that fell flat, and moments of unintentional humor that detracted from the intended terror.

Don’t Think It, Don’t Watch It

The main issue with the film was its lack of uniqueness, as critics pointed out its stilted dialogue, dull acting, and failure to create any suspense. It heavily relied on predictable jump scares and a weakly constructed mythology, leaving its primary antagonist underdeveloped and forgettable. Despite its ominous slogan, “Don’t think it, don’t say it,” the movie The Bye Bye Man became an unfortunate flop that horror enthusiasts quickly dismissed.

12
‘Texas Chainsaw 3D’ (January 4, 2013)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 19%

Stepping into the shoes of a storyteller now, let me share my take on describing the movie:

In the sequel that follows directly from Tobe Hooper’s groundbreaking The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), I find myself playing the role of Heather, a young woman who unexpectedly inherits a grand mansion in Texas from a family I’d never known existed. Upon my arrival, I stumble upon an unsettling revelation – my newfound legacy includes none other than Leatherface, who has been concealed within the basement all this time.

The film seeks to rejuvenate the timeless slasher genre by incorporating nods to the original masterpiece and a 3D transformation, but it falters in its narrative coherence and inconsistent tonal shifts, leaving viewers with a chilly reception.

A Franchise Flayed

Critics swiftly noted that Texas Chainsaw 3D fell short in recreating the gut-wrenching fear of its original, leaning more on flashy 3D tricks and illogical plot surprises instead. Transforming Leatherface into an anti-hero left fans bewildered, while the script’s stiff dialogue and illogical structure weakened any chance at creating suspense. With a 19% score on Rotten Tomatoes, the movie serves as a lesson that simply relying on nostalgia isn’t enough to keep a series alive without a solid concept or regard for its origins.

11
‘Legion’ (January 22, 2010)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 20%

In a nutshell, the movie “Legion” features Paul Bettany playing Michael, an angel who comes to Earth to safeguard humankind’s final chance—a pregnant waitress named Charlie (Adrianne Palicki). The story unfolds in a secluded desert diner where Michael and a band of stranded customers, including Dennis Quaid as the diner owner, must face off against a horde of humans possessed by evil forces, intent on initiating the apocalypse. Although the plot hinted at a thrilling blend of biblical mystery and horror action, “Legion” ultimately became an excessive amalgamation of genres that failed to find its rhythm.

Angels with No Wings

As a movie enthusiast, I must admit that I was left feeling disappointed with the film “Legion”. Although it boasted a few exhilarating action scenes, such as the chilling transformation of an ice cream man into a demon, it relied too heavily on eye-catching spectacle without offering any substantial depth. The dialogue felt clumsy, and the characters lacked complexity, which made the overall experience underwhelming.

The film had an opportunity to explore deep theological themes that could have added layers of meaning, but instead, it opted for quick, cheap thrills. Unfortunately, with a mere 20% score on Rotten Tomatoes, “Legion” stands as a cautionary tale about high-concept ideas being compromised by superficial storytelling.

10
‘Dolittle’ (January 17, 2020)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 14%

Titled “Dolittle“, the movie featured Robert Downey Jr. portraying the quirky veterinarian who communicates with animals. Marketed as a delightful revamp of the cherished children’s tale, it boasted an impressive ensemble voice cast, including Emma Thompson as a talkative parrot and Rami Malek as a jittery gorilla. The film aimed to offer a thrilling voyage to discover a legendary remedy for Queen Victoria’s ailment. Regrettably, what could have been an enjoyable family movie transformed into a confusing blend of slapstick comedy, questionable CGI, and puzzling artistic decisions.

A Cure No One Wanted

Critics heavily criticized the movie “Dolittle” for its confusing storyline and sudden changes in tone. Robert Downey Jr.’s performance, characterized by an unstable Welsh accent, reflected a film that seemed disorganized and hastily put together. The CGI animals lacked charm or humor, which made it difficult for viewers to relate to them, and the infamous dragon enema scene became synonymous with the movie’s misguided attempts at comedy. Despite Robert Downey Jr.’s fame, “Dolittle” is considered a notable flop, with its 14% rating on Rotten Tomatoes demonstrating its disorganized production.

9
‘The Nut Job’ (January 17, 2014)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 13%

In “The Nut Job“, Will Arnett lends his voice to Surly, a squirrel with a selfish streak who concocts a plan to burglarize a nut store to stockpile food for the winter. The movie also stars Brendan Fraser as a zealous squirrel hero and Katherine Heigl as Surly’s sincere counterpart. The film strives to blend slapstick humor with a heist storyline. While boasting vibrant animation and brisk tempo, “The Nut Job” received criticism for its lack of fresh ideas and excessive use of worn-out gags.

Cracking Under the Pressure

Critics deemed the humor in the movie immature and predictable, with many jokes failing to land. Despite trying to attract a young audience, The Nut Job lacked both cleverness and depth that could have made it enjoyable for adults too. The storyline seemed superficial, mixing common heist film tropes, and the characters were frequently one-dimensional. Despite its vibrant graphics, the movie’s weak plot left audiences and critics underwhelmed.

8
‘Season of the Witch’ (January 7, 2011)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 11%

In the 14th century, the movie titled “Season of the Witch” has Nicolas Cage as Behmen, a weary knight who is ordered to escort a woman (Claire Foy) suspected of witchcraft to her trial. Accompanied by his fellow traveler Felson (Ron Perlman), they encounter supernatural perils and ethical quandaries during their journey, doubting whether the woman is really possessed or just a scapegoat for fear and mass hysteria. Although the movie’s setting in medieval times sounds fascinating, its portrayal unfortunately slips into over-the-top, unintentional campiness.

Casting a Spell That Fizzles

Critics heavily criticized the movie “Season of the Witch” for its weak dialogue, inconsistent rhythm, and failure to fully commit to either horror or action genres. The usual intensity from Nicolas Cage seemed out of place in a plot that never truly capitalized on the possibilities for suspense or showmanship. Poorly executed CGI effects often elicited laughter, further diminishing the film’s supernatural aspects. Its 11% rating on Rotten Tomatoes illustrates how a potentially intriguing idea was bogged down by poor storytelling and unimaginative visuals.

7
‘Supernova’ (January 14, 2000)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 10%

The movie titled “Supernova” centers around a team on a space rescue ship, captained by Nick Vanzant (James Spader), who are responding to an emergency signal from a remote mining vessel. This film blends classic sci-fi themes with gruesome body horror and tense psychological elements, but its production struggles—such as reshoots and the director’s departure—have resulted in a final product that appears fragmented and lacking in cohesion.

A Star That Burned Out

Critics swiftly noted that the plot of Supernova was disjointed, character development was sparse, and the overall mood was inconsistent. Despite boasting a talented cast such as Angela Bassett and James Spader, the film’s rhythm seemed hasty, and its attempts at tension failed to create suspense effectively. The chaotic production resulted in an uninspiring visual presentation and a storyline that lacked clarity, which contributed to its 10% score on Rotten Tomatoes and solidified its status as a forgettable flop in the sci-fi genre.

6
‘Bride Wars’ (January 9, 2009)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 10%

The movie titled “Bride Wars” features Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson playing lifelong friends who unexpectedly find their wedding dates clashing at the Plaza Hotel. Instead of celebrating together, they engage in a series of mischievous tricks to disrupt each other’s weddings, putting their friendship on the line. Although the idea had the potential for witty humor, the film ultimately fell flat due to its overused stereotypes and uninspired comedy, disappointing both audiences and critics alike.

A Match Made in Comedy Hell

Critics severely criticized the movie “Bride Wars” for turning its main characters into flat, one-dimensional caricatures who were fixated on materialistic wedding dreams. The film failed to utilize the comedic abilities of Hathaway and Hudson by leaning too heavily on excessive slapstick rather than witty dialogue or substantial character development. The movie’s depiction of women as petty and self-centered seemed old-fashioned, even at the time of its release, which resulted in a 10% score on Rotten Tomatoes and a reputation for being a squandered opportunity in the romantic comedy genre.

5
‘Kangaroo Jack’ (January 17, 2003)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 8%

The movie titled “Kangaroo Jack” centers around the comical adventures of Charlie, played by Jerry O’Connell, and Louis, portrayed by Anthony Anderson. These unlikely buddies find themselves in trouble when they are caught up in a mob scheme, tasked with transporting $50,000 to Australia. However, an unexpected turn of events causes the money-filled jacket to land on a kangaroo, leading to a preposterous chase through the Australian Outback. Initially marketed as a lighthearted family movie featuring a rapping kangaroo, the film’s inconsistent tone and misleading marketing left viewers bewildered and underwhelmed.

A Hop in the Wrong Direction

Critics harshly criticized the movie due to its confusing mix of mature jokes and child-oriented actions, creating a chaotic and inconsistent tone. The kangaroo, prominently showcased in previews, was scarcely seen in the film, and its animated scenes seemed awkwardly forced. The humor relied on unoriginal gags and outdated stereotypes, making Kangaroo Jack an unmemorable and aggravating experience for both its intended viewers and their guardians.

4
‘The Devil Inside’ (January 6, 2012)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 6%

In simpler terms, the movie titled “The Devil Inside” centers around a character named Isabella Rossi (played by Fernanda Andrade). She is on a mission to uncover the truth about her mother’s supposed possession, following an unsuccessful exorcism. The plot hinted at shivers and complex psychological layers, but unfortunately, it turned into a confusing blend of forced scares and a puzzling absence of a conclusive ending. Its inconclusive, frustrating end left viewers wanting more, directing them to a website for additional information, which became notorious among moviegoers.

When Horror Ends with a Whimper

Viewers and critics alike harshly criticized the movie for its confusing narrative, underdeveloped characters, and excessive use of jump scares. The unexpected ending with a sudden blackout and a URL link left viewers feeling tricked instead of scared. Despite being part of the crowded found-footage genre, The Devil Inside serves as a notable demonstration of how a weak plot and direction can waste an interesting concept.

3
‘BloodRayne’ (January 6, 2006)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 4%

In the well-known video game series, BloodRayne, Kristanna Loken plays Rayne, a character who is half-human and half-vampire, serving as a warrior. She is out for vengeance against her father, portrayed by Ben Kingsley, a powerful vampire ruler. Uwe Boll, known for his series of poorly received video game adaptations, directed the film. The movie aimed to blend gothic action with a revenge storyline but ultimately turned into a cheesy, disorganized mess.

A Stake to the Heart of Video Game Adaptations

Critics fiercely criticized the movie “BloodRayne” for its stiff acting, illogical storyline, and low-budget appearance. Even though the film boasted an impressive cast, featuring Ben Kingsley, Michael Madsen, and Michelle Rodriguez, their performances were generally panned as lackluster and inconsistent. The movie failed to convey the essence of the original source material and its clumsy production resulted in one of the most poorly-received video game movies ever made.

2
‘Meet the Spartans’ (January 25, 2008)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 2%

In a playful twist on Zack Snyder’s 300, the movie Meet the Spartans humorously lampoons the Spartan saga by incorporating physical comedy, off-color jokes, and pop culture allusions. The narrative, though loosely based on Leonidas (Sean Maguire) and his troops readying themselves to confront the Persians, places more emphasis on outdated references and visual gags rather than a coherent story or satirical commentary.

A Comedy Void of Wit

Critics heavily criticized the movie “Meet the Spartans” for its excessive use of crude humor and frequent pop culture jokes that were already outdated at the time of its release. The comedy in the film was inconsistent, lacking the wit necessary to make a successful parody. Instead, it offered a monotonous sequence of unconnected sketches. With a 2% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, the movie serves as an illustration of the downfall of spoof films from the mid-2000s.

1
‘Alone in the Dark’ (January 28, 2005)

Rotten Tomatoes Score: 1%

As a devoted admirer, I can’t help but share my thoughts on “Alone in the Dark,” another notorious adaptation under Uwe Boll’s direction, inspired by the chilling survival horror video game series with the same title. In this cinematic venture, I found myself playing the role of Edward Carnby, a tenacious paranormal investigator, teaming up with archaeologist Aline Cedrac, portrayed by Tara Reid, to combat enigmatic entities lurking in the shadows.

While the premise was undeniably intriguing, the film unfortunately suffered from a convoluted narrative and less-than-stellar execution, which has led it to be notoriously labeled as one of the worst films ever produced.

A Dark Spot in Video Game Cinema

The movie “Alone in the Dark” was heavily criticized due to its confusing plot, unnatural dialogue, and underwhelming acting. Tara Reid’s portrayal of an archaeologist, which many felt was ill-suited, often drew mockery from critics and online commentators. The film’s visual effects and action scenes were frequently labeled as inferior, contributing to its poor reception. With a 1% score on Rotten Tomatoes, “Alone in the Dark” is considered a disappointing example of video game adaptations.

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2025-01-17 05:32