Will Dogecoin Make Me Rich or Just Cry? 🚀🐶💸

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Key takeaways (or why I should’ve listened to mum)

Dogecoin did the thing where it went up 📈 but now everyone’s panicking like they’ve just realised there’s no fourth series of Fleabag. Spot traders sold $39 million worth – that’s enough DOGE to buy Elon Musk’s entire wardrobe of questionable leather jackets. Liquidity clusters? Sounds like what happens after too many margaritas.

So Dogecoin was being all like “to the mooooon” 🚀 yesterday, up 7.5% and flirting with $0.254 like it’s Jude Law in The Holiday.

But now the charts are giving me that uncertain-face-emoji 🤨 because apparently sellers are swarming the market like my nan’s bridge club when someone mentions prosecco.

Long-term outlook: Basically me after lockdown

According to Glassnode’s UTXO Realized Price Distribution (which sounds like something Bridget would pretend to understand on a bad date), DOGE has this major resistance at $0.36 looming like my credit card bill after a night out.

$0.20 resistance is history, darling – we’ve moved on quicker than Bridget does after meeting an emotionally unavailable man with interesting trainers.

AMBCrypto did this analysis which basically involved looking at charts while eating Twiglets and having slight existential panic about one’s life choices.

DOGE’s Diary

Daily chart shows $0.36 is to DOGE what getting a boyfriend is to Bridget – seems achievable but ends in disappointment every single time. 📉

There’s these two circles on the resistance line like period stains on Bridget’s sheets – proof that ALL attempts at breaking through have ended in TEARS.

The last breakout attempt in January ended worse than Bridget’s detox – DOGE hit rock bottom faster than I did after two cosmos at Claudia’s birthday.

Now there’s this OTHER resistance level at $0.2478 looking ominous – like Mark Darcy’s phone number still sitting in my contacts seven years after we last spoke.

Bearish pressure building like water retention before period

Spot traders are selling like Primark leggings after lockdown – $39 million worth of DOGE dumped faster than Daniel Cleaver’s last girlfriend.

Biggest sell-off since January when $589.38 million worth disappeared quicker than a good-looking single man at a christening.

If this continues we’ll be heading downwards faster than Bridget’s Spanx when she’s had one too many Chardonnays.

Accumulate or lie on floor weeping?

The liquidation Heatmap (which is totally not a sex toy despite the name) shows:

– $11.21 million in sell orders lurking above like Bridget’s mother with news of a nice eligible barrister 👰

– $11.61 million in buy orders below like Bridget’s dignity after flashing Grant Bitch at the Christmas turkey curry buffet

This could go two ways:

1) Upper clusters get triggered and we crash downwards like Bridget’s New Year’s resolutions by January 2nd

2) OR we rise like Bridget’s hopes when she meets a reasonably attractive man in Waitrose before realising he’s buying baby food

Either way vodka definitely required. 💁🏻‍♀️🍸

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2025-07-19 09:49