You Won’t Believe Coinbase’s Next Move: Tokenized Stocks Hustle in the Wild West

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So, comrades, the behemoth of crypto, Coinbase, now seeks permission in the land of endless paperwork – the United States – to let you gamble not just with imaginary coins but with imaginary shares. Reuters, the ever-watchful chronicler of capitalistic escapades, reports that Coinbase is pacing about, hat in hand, before the stately doors of the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). One can imagine the scene: Grewal, Chief Legal Wrestler at Coinbase, waiting for bureaucrats to approve so that the stock market circus may commence on the blockchain. 🏛️

Coinbase Stretches Its Claws: Now Everything Will Be Tokens!

According to the whispers carried by Reuters, Paul Grewal declared with all the gravitas of a lawyer at a wedding that “tokenized equities” are now the North Star for Coinbase. Apparently, you won’t even have to buy shares directly anymore, just buy their tokenized shadows—like buying a loaf of bread and getting only the aroma.

Instead of owning a fragment of your favorite capitalist machinery, you’ll be hugging tiny digital tokens, while Coinbase laughs all the way to its blockchain. This is capitalism’s matryoshka doll: market inside market, fee inside fee, hope inside hopium. Welcome to the modern casino. 🎰

The great SEC, guardian of the paper towers, remains silent as a statue on this scheme. But if Coinbase pulls it off, they’ll be the first to serve this high-tech potion, and soon every exchange from sea to shining sea will be pouring a round. Imagine Robinhood and Revolut sweating through their suits!

Meanwhile, the winds have shifted in Washington. Just last year, under the hand of a previous administration, the SEC seemed determined to swat every blockchain fly it could find: Coinbase, Kraken, Binance.US, and any DeFi upstart with an unpronounceable acronym. Suddenly a new breeze blows: fewer threats, more winks, and crypto execs daring to dream of government approval. Who knew all it took was a change at the top and a request with just the right amount of optimism (and lobbying)? 🍸

Grewal, philosophical as a fisherman at dawn, muses aloud:

With a no action letter, an issuer of a tokenized equity or a platform that wishes to offer secondary trading in those equities can have some confidence, some comfort, that the SEC has adopted its view of why this product is compliant. It’s that confidence that has been lacking so far, and I think really held back a lot of the institutional adoption.

Yes, comrades, let us all seek comfort in “no action”—the revolutionary force of our time!

Has the dawn broken, or is this just another false morning over the crypto steppes? Even Justin Sun, that tireless hawker of blockchain dreams, now plots to waltz TRX straight onto the US stock exchange—because why not, the door seems halfway open, and the champagne’s already pouring courtesy of Trump’s network. 🍾

Nic Carter, a general partner at Castle Island Ventures, sums it all up like a tired revolutionary watching the new order take shape. “Most of my crypto trading GCs just talk about stocks now. The new meta is literally just stocks.” So this is our future: crypto turned back into stocks, under the great glass dome of regulatory mercy.

Stocks are dead. Long live the tokenized stock—may your equity be always digital, and your regulators always absent! 🚀

Cover image from ChatGPT, COINUSD chart from Tradingview

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2025-06-17 19:25