You Won’t Believe Michael Saylor’s Mind-Melting Bitcoin Prediction for 2045 🤯

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There are bold forecasts, and then there’s Michael Saylor, the man who thought, “Why not just lob a prediction so stratospheric it needs its own space program?” In conversation with Natalie Brunell, the MicroStrategy (now going full minimalist as “Strategy”—because who needs extra syllables, really?) overlord declared that Bitcoin is destined to hit a breezy $13 million per coin by 2045. That’s not a typo. Thirteen. Million. Dollars. Per. Coin. Forget gold, cash, or bonds—those are apparently the financial equivalent of flip phones now.

Corporate Bitcoin Strategy: Because Staying Relevant is Harder Than Wordle

MicroStrategy sits atop a veritable Bitcoin mountain, clutching more of the stuff than any other publicly traded company. But according to Saylor, it’s not just the Wall Street heavyweights getting involved. Oh no, we’re talking about the motley crew of “hey, remember us?” mid-caps and local heroes scurrying to add Bitcoin to their balance sheets like it’s the hottest meme stock on Reddit.

You’ve got roughly 12,000 public companies in the US, most of whom are familiar only to their employees and, occasionally, the IRS. Saylor thinks plugging into Bitcoin is their ticket back to the limelight, a sure-fire way to (a) digitally flex, (b) make investors sit up, and (c) remind everyone they exist. Suddenly, even the so-called “zombie companies”—once as lively as a Monday morning meeting—are taking up arms against the likes of Apple and Google, not with innovation (let’s stay realistic), but with a shiny new corporate identity: “We own Bitcoin!”

Japanese upstart Meta Planet even followed MicroStrategy’s lead—because imitation might just be the sincerest form of corporate FOMO.

Stock buybacks? Cash dividends? Saylor says to bin that tired old Playbook. “Cash is trash,” he bravely intoned, recycling a line last heard at a hedge fund party in 2015. For Saylor, Bitcoin is the 21st century’s answer to everything: global crisis, market fear, trade wars, pancakes for breakfast. Whatever happens—the more uncertain the world, the shinier Bitcoin looks. Move over, gold bug; there’s a new cryptobug in town.

The Working Stiff’s Guide to Getting Rich (Or Not): Saylor-Style

But wait, it’s not just about corporate war chests. Saylor’s financial wisdom extends to the everyday wage slave. Fancy a taste of that sweet Bitcoin life? Keep your job, hoard those dollars, and buy the dip. He even recommends creaming off some low-interest mortgage debt to invest instead of—brace yourself—paying off your house early. Wild, right?

“If Bitcoin’s growing 30% a year and you’re stuck with a mortgage at 3%, why not let your bank work for you for once in your life?” Saylor quips. There’s a fine print somewhere, but we can’t see it through all these dollar signs.

Introducing Strife, Strike, and the (Alleged) BitBonds 🥁

MicroStrategy’s not resting on its Bitcoin-rich laurels, either. Saylor previewed two sparkling new financial nuggets for your portfolio:

  • Strife: Not a heavy metal band, but a Bitcoin-collateralized preferred stock promising a wild 10% dividend “forever.” Yep, forever. Which, in crypto, is until the next hard fork.
  • Strike: For the cautious thrill-seeker, this one offers an 8% coupon and a “taste” of the upside—something between a lottery ticket and a life vest.

Not content with reinventing corporate treasuries, Saylor floated the idea of “BitBonds”—Bitcoin-backed bonds for the globe-trotting investor with nerves of titanium. World governments, bankers, and your uncle with the gold tooth: form a queue.

The Federal Government: Cautious or Just Slow?

Saylor nodded sagely at Uncle Sam’s meandering approach to Bitcoin. The U.S. has apparently built a “Bitcoin reserve,” though those famous government buying sprees remain, like Bigfoot, unseen. Saylor expects that large governments will act slowly, methodically, and—on the right day—bafflingly. Anyone who’s stood in line at the DMV knows the vibe.

So with all this optimism, how come Bitcoin isn’t mooning past $150K, $200K, or the GDP of a small country? Market digestion, says Saylor. Still chewing on the leftovers from FTX and assorted calamities. But now the smart, institutional money (think ETFs, think corporate treasuries, think Not-You) is sidling in.

Bitcoin Is the Cockroach of Finance 🪳 (In a Good Way!)

Macro meltdowns? No problem. Bitcoin’s still there, dependable as bad airplane coffee. Saylor brags about BTC being sold short with 50x leverage on a Saturday morning, which is sort of impressive and sort of alarming. The key point: wherever global markets go, Bitcoin—like a celebrity in a supermarket tabloid—bounces back, often to new highs.

Take 2020: pandemic panic, price crash to $4,000, cryptocurrency Twitter in shambles. Within months? Back up, stronger, like it spent lockdown doing push-ups. MicroStrategy itself has dropped the mic on old-fashioned assets, beating gold, bonds, and even the “Magnificent Seven” (sorry, Avengers).

At the end of this cheerful apocalypse, Saylor sums it all up with one memorable line: “The secret of Bitcoin… people buy Bitcoin because they want to keep their money.” Simple, right? Well, as long as you didn’t leave your private key in a pizza box.

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2025-05-10 18:50