You Won’t Believe This Plunge into the Crypto Abyss

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In these tumultuous days, dear readers, we find Ethereum (ETH)—that once-proud altcoin—tumbling to depths unseen since the distant month of February 2020. One might imagine a solemn coachman glancing over his shoulder, muttering, “What a fine spectacle,” while stablehands (read: investors) stare on in disbelief and the occasional ironic grin. 😂

It reached a curious nadir of 0.01965 BTC on the Binance exchange this past Monday. Presently, ETH hovers at $1,515, offering a modest chuckle to those who clung to the dream since January 2018—a dream yielding no profit beyond an invaluable lesson in humility. 😏

Indeed, our dashing altcoin has failed to impress this year, plummeting 44% against the steadfast Bitcoin. This marks yet another red year—count them: three in a row!—and places ETH a harrowing 79% lower than its December 2021 pinnacle, that fabled era brimming with the heady promise of DeFi and NFTs. Here, the gods of crypto appear to have shrugged, leaving naive mortal hopes in their wake.

Since slipping below the fabled 0.02 threshold, some roguish ETH/BTC bears may now cast their gaze toward the September 2019 low of 0.01615 BTC. Should Ethereum march downward another 18% (and, who knows, perhaps accompanied by the sarcastic laughter of traders?), it would land upon that very spot. If tragedy truly adores company, the next station might be the pre-ICO mania low of March 2017 (0.0128 BTC) where only the bravest or most foolish would rejoice. 🤔

“Black Monday” (With Extra Drama)

On Sunday, ETH slipped by a further 12.5%, outdoing the broader crypto market in the race for disappointment. By Monday, it sank an additional 2%, as global stocks stumbled under the weight of tariffs and ominous headlines. Meanwhile, Hong Kong’s Hang Seng Index took a 12% dive, and Japan’s Nikkei 225 managed an impressive 7% descent—truly a performance that would make an ancient Russian narrator weep and chuckle at once. 😬

Will Tether Surpass Ethereum? 🤯

In these calamitous times, Tether (USDT) has edged perilously close to overtaking Ether (ETH) by market cap, showcasing the abundance of surprises in this grand crypto saga. Their current valuations rest at $144 billion for Tether and $185 billion for Ethereum, as if locked in a soap opera only bankers and jesters could have scripted. 🤡

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2025-04-07 09:42