Donald Trump’s move into the zany world of crypto now has a pack of senators stomping after him like a herd of elephants hunting peanuts. With allegations of token shenanigans, foreign fiddling, and a pay-to-play circus that could rattle even the stoniest-faced ethics professor, things are about to get sticky (and not the good kind, like toffee).
Senators Take a Peek Under the Big Top of Trump’s Crypto Carnival
On May 6, Senator Richard Blumenthal (the sort of chap who’d waggle his finger at Augustus Gloop and confiscate his chocolate) fired up his Senate Subcommittee on Investigations—and their target is none other than the TRUMP cryptocurrency and its mysterious entourage. 🎩
Blumenthal and his merry band are sniffing around Fight Fight Fight LLC (who clearly couldn’t stop at just one Fight) and the curiously named World Liberty Financial Inc. Why? Because rumors are swirling: whispers of foreign cash, secret token stashes, and more legal loopholes than a lawyer’s donut box.
The Senator got his quill out (okay, a computer, probably) and fired off letters demanding details—“What’s in your wallets? Who owns what? Who’s scoffing the profits? Did anyone read the rules before jumping in the pudding?” Of particular delight: he queried Bill Zanker of Fight Fight Fight LLC about an invite-only Trump dinner, offered as a golden ticket to top TRUMP token holders. Predictably, the price of TRUMP shot up like a sugar-high Veruca Salt.
President Trump’s tangled ties to TRUMP coin, plus his White House gameshow antics to fluff up its price, look suspiciously like an auction for the Oval Office—to the richest goose.
And, as if holding most of the coins and gobbling up morsels from every transaction weren’t enough, Trump and his cronies are sitting pretty on a pile of tokens that may trip tripwire after legal tripwire. Willy Wonka would call it “a bit much,” and Augustus would just want more.
Meanwhile, another letter zipped its way to Zach Witkoff of WLFI—who recently teamed up with the mysterious MGX, an Emirati state firm with more oil than a school cafeteria’s lunchtime pizza. Did they break the Constitution’s “Don’t Take Presents from Strangers” rule (also known as the emoluments clause)? Blumenthal seems to think so.
President Trump, with all the subtlety of a golden goose in a henhouse, has stuffed crypto firms with government goodies—like a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve and a Digital Asset Stockpile—while turning the White House into a crypto funfair (admission: at least 10,000 TRUMP tokens, plus your moral compass).
The subcommittee is demanding every dusty scrap of correspondence with the Trump Organization, every memo mentioning “crypto summit,” and a complete guide to “How Not To Insider Trade For Beginners.”
Despite all this hullabaloo, the crypto crowd still tip their top hats to Trump, cheering his “let it rip” digital dollars philosophy. They claim the blockchain circus only really flourished under his watch, while President Biden’s team played party-pooper by insisting everyone reads the instructions first. And so, the great crypto commotion continues, dividing the ring into pro-Trump clappers and Bidenian safety-monitors—like squirrels fighting over the last everlasting gobstopper.
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2025-05-08 08:52