You Won’t Believe What’s Threatening Bitcoin’s Comeback—And Why Gold Is Laughing All the Way to the Bank!

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If you ever notice the wind whistlin’ through the financial canyons a mite louder than usual, it’s probably just the ghosts of Wall Street mournin’ the latest round of Bitcoin’s misfortune. Lately, this slippery beast has bounced back as sprightly as a frog in a rain barrel, but if you squint at the charts long enough, you might see a “risky pattern” rearing its head—sort of like that one uncle you hope doesn’t show up at Thanksgiving.

Now, Bitcoin (that big brass ring for all the digital prospectors) leaped up to $85,630 on April 15. That’s the highest it’s been in two weeks—about as close to happiness as a banker gets. It’s also up 15.2% from its monthly low, but don’t start celebratin’ with a riverboat full of champagne just yet. 🍾

This happy jig started when Donald Trump, that man who never met a tariff he didn’t want to hug or throttle, decided to slap a 90-day freeze on tariffs from 70+ countries. Over the weekend, his administration declared gadgets and gizmos (read: electronics and semiconductors) would be exempt from the tariff wrestling match. As a cherry on top, he tossed a bone to automakers, who’d been sweating harder than a preacher caught in a saloon.

This flurry of announcements fired up the stock market, sending the S&P 500, Dow Jones, and Nasdaq 100 higher. In short, everyone was feeling lighter—except maybe those folks who tried shorting Tesla again.

Bitcoin Price: Danger of a Death Cross Looms (Not as Fun as It Sounds) 💀

So, the Bitcoin express train is chugging uphill, but just ahead lies what the city folks call a “death cross.” (Sounds ominous, but don’t worry, nobody really dies—just your portfolio, maybe.) That’s when the 50-day moving average drops below the 200-day moving average. Think of it as your trusty horse deciding to gallop into a swamp—never a promising sign.

The gap between these averages is now just 472 points. If they snuggle up and cross, that could mean Bitcoin falls back to its monthly low of $74,500, a 13% drop—and you’ll hear more wailing than a cat on a fence at midnight.

But if BTC goes the other way and shoots above both averages, throw your hat in the air and holler—it may bust through to that big $90,000 round number traders love almost as much as fried chicken. 🍗

Meanwhile, the S&P 500 already formed its own death cross, like a canary in a coal mine with a doctorate in sadness. The last time this happened, back in 2022, everything fell off a cliff—17% straight down. Since Bitcoin and stocks are joined at the hip like a couple of ornery mules, a stock market tumble could tug Bitcoin along for the ride—screaming and kicking included.

Gold: The Old Reliable, Now Shinier Than Ever ✨

While Bitcoin’s out here playing hopscotch with doom, gold’s just sittin’ pretty like a wise old riverboat gambler who never loses. The shiny stuff surged over 20% this year, topping out at a record $3,245 and giving anyone who bought in early enough reason to smirk like a raccoon with a stolen pie. Goldman Sachs, never ones to pass up a bandwagon, now say gold could hit $3,700.

Who’s buying all this gold? Just about everyone: central banks, grandma’s investment club, and mysterious folks from India, Turkey, Russia, and China. These countries have been stacking gold like it’s poker chips at a rigged game.

The hotshot gold ETFs—GLD, IAU—keep sucking in more cash too, which means retail and institutions alike are grabbing on to gold like it’s the last life raft in a financial flood. Folks are ditching stocks, bonds, even Bitcoin for the old standby. Also, the Swiss franc is turning heads, jumping to its highest perch in over a decade. I suppose not everything Swiss has holes in it. 🧀

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2025-04-15 16:24