You Won’t Believe Which Healthcare Stock Went Full Crypto and Flew Up 719% — Here’s How!

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Right, so imagine: it’s just another perfectly normal, boring trading day, with stocks bumbling along—la la la—when out of nowhere, an obscure healthcare company, KindlyMD (KDLY), suddenly decides to do the splits with a Bitcoin firm that has more connections to Trump’s inner circle than Mar-a-Lago on New Year’s Eve. 🌪️⚡

Result: their stock spontaneously combusts, shooting up 719% in the kind of Cinderella-night transformation usually reserved for budget beauty adverts and people with too much self-tanner.

So, there’s this company called Nakamoto Holdings, run by a fellow named David Bailey—who apparently once whispered crypto sweet nothings into Donald Trump’s ear during campaign season. KindlyMD hears this, dramatically faints, and pops the question: “Merge with us! Let’s stuff our company piggy bank with Bitcoin and see what happens!”

Bailey, undeterred by gravity, utters in the press release:


“Traditional finance and Bitcoin-native markets are converging” (presumably somewhere exotic, with better cocktails). “We believe a future is coming where every balance sheet, public or private, holds Bitcoin.”

Which is a bold vision and, frankly, would make spreadsheets marginally more glamorous but dramatically harder to compare.

He then compares Nakamoto to the likes of Medici, Rothschild, Morgan, and Goldman—because modest is his middle name.

The market reacts by promptly forgetting all boring fundamentals and YEETS KDLY from $3.83 to $31.41 like it’s a limited edition handbag. Of course, the sensible ones panic and sell, so by the time you read this it’s already tumbled back down to $15.49.

KindlyMD chief Tim Pickett calls the merger a “strategic leap”, which, translated, means “let’s hope our accountants know what a wallet is.” He also assures everyone Nakamoto’s Bitcoin brainiacs will bring “unparalleled access to leading experts in Bitcoin treasury management” —surely the most polite way to explain to Nana why her healthcare stock just turned into a Bitcoin rollercoaster. 🎢🤑

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2025-05-12 22:04