You Won’t Believe Why Ripple’s $5B Offer for Circle Was Laughed Out of the Room 😂

by

It was a Saturday as grey as a Russian birch grove, when word drifted—rather like the distant aroma of kvass—that the firm known as Ripple Labs, with the air of a suitor lacking both poetry and funds, had offered to seize all the dazzling promises of Circle Internet Group for a humble $4 to $5 billion. To this proposal, Circle, with the steady hand of someone politely declining a third helping of borscht, replied, “No, thank you, your offer is too small.”

Circle Stares Out the Window, Pretends Not to Notice Ripple’s Bouquet

Per Bloomberg—whose reporters presumably watched this scene unfold through monocles—Ripple, determined yet uncertain, lingered by Circle’s gates, pondering a grander gesture. “We do not comment on market rumors,” Circle’s spokesperson murmured, adjusting their cravat and peering through the steam of their tea.

With the patience of a landowner waiting for spring, Circle reminded all that the United States Securities and Exchange Commission has imposed a “quiet period.” If there were financial secrets brewing behind Circle’s doors, they would go unwhispered. Alas, Circle’s ambitions, like a Russian winter, remain unchanged.

Ripple’s sudden infatuation follows its recent conquest: swallowing up the multi-asset brokerage Hidden Road for $1.25 billion (a princely sum, yet dwarfed by their present yearning). Ripple, it seems, is assembling a veritable stablecoin arsenal, prepared to do battle in a market where the only thing staler than winter bread is fiat currency’s value.

Circle’s Pursuit of Glory: Take Two

Circle, bearer of the USDC stablecoin, has known the heights and depths. Last year saw its value tossed about between $5 billion and $5.25 billion—far from the blinding $9 billion it was once believed to be worth, back when their ambitions to go public via a SPAC with Concord were as heady as a St. Petersburg spring. SEC, the stern chaperone, denied them their waltz, and so the dream expired quietly in some snowdrift.

Yet, Circle is nothing if not persistent: like Dostoevsky’s luckless heroes, it filed an S-1 with the SEC, prepared for another go at public affection. Rumors swirl—could Circle recapture a valuation between $4B and $5B? Will the IPO (which, if we’re lucky, might arrive by midsummer’s eve) finally end this romantic farce? Or shall they linger in SEC purgatory, neither alive nor dead, neither public nor private?

After all, registering for an IPO is a bit like proposing to a noble heiress—sometimes, you wait four weeks for an answer; sometimes, she strings you along for months, and you’re left sitting in the drawing room drinking cold tea.

Should Circle succeed, it would be the grandest crypto IPO since Coinbase threw open its windows to the world, cheered on by the wealthiest bankers this side of the Volga: JPMorgan and Citi.

And what of politics? A shifting, treacherous mire! New stablecoin laws are oozing their way through Congress. The Senate’s Banking Committee is pushing one version, the House is dusting off theirs. Meanwhile, President Donald Trump, whose appreciation for nuance rivals that of a Cossack cavalry charge, vows to sign stablecoin legislation by August. The crypto industry waits, as always, with the patience of peasants waiting for the harvest, and probably the same level of optimism.

While this sorry ballet proceeds, XRP, Ripple’s lurching token, pirouettes at $2.20—a delicate 6% hop over the past two weeks. Is it hope, or just the wind in the steppes? At least someone is dancing.

Read More

2025-05-01 14:13