Ah, to count billions: it is a habit for financiers, yet now, perhaps even the pets are learning. In the last week alone, the world’s more adventurous speculators threw $1.9 billion into the churning maw of Crypto. The grand tally ascends—a gasp, a sigh—to $12.9 billion for this season, teasing a year-to-date record of $13.2 billion for 2025. The train does not slow. It screeches, it winks, it whispers to your inner gambler: “Perhaps, my friend, you too should mortgage your neighbor’s plow for some Ethereum?”
U.S. – The Hungry Bear At the Honey Jar
The Americans—never ones to pass up a buffet—led with $1.9 billion in inflows, nudging their glasses and congratulating themselves over yet another bet. Germany, ever the sober uncle at the family dinner, timidly offered $39.2 million—enough to buy several sausages, perhaps a second-hand Lada. Switzerland, glancing around nervously lest anyone notice its enthusiasm, brought $20.7 million to the table. Canada, polite as ever, showed up with $12.1 million and didn’t even ask for change.
Hong Kong, in the spirit of a grumpy uncle at Christmas, decided to go the other way, withdrawing $56.8 million—“Just stretching my legs,” it muttered. Brazil, meanwhile, lost $8.5 million, presumably distracted by carnival or football.
Bitcoin and Ethereum: The Reluctant Stars 🌟
Bitcoin, that battered old hero, limped back after a fortnight of modest sorrow. It pocketed $1.3 billion, waved to the crowd, and pretended not to notice the existential dread lurking in the balcony. For those who believe shorting Bitcoin is romantic, $3.7 million was gathered—though assets under management remain a paltry $96 million, proving romance isn’t always lucrative.
Ethereum, meanwhile, strutted through the door with $583 million in weekly inflows—the largest since February! One dramatic day, all wild eyes and unbuttoned collars, produced a spike large enough to fill $2 billion for 2025 alone. Now, 14% of Ethereum assets exist solely because investors once dreamed of yachts and basement server farms.
Altcoins—Flowers in the Concrete
XRP, perhaps buoyed by a heartfelt letter from its mother, managed to end its three-week losing streak with $11.8 million in inflows. Sui, whose name is easier to type than explain, continued its improbable spring romance by wooing another $3.5 million. What can you do? The world is as it is—which is to say, a circus, an opera, and a poker game, all played badly and in the dark.
The steady drip, drip, drip of capital into these digital curiosities is maybe, possibly, a sign of investor confidence—or, more likely, the manifestation of global midlife crisis. Either way, the party continues. 🥳🍾
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2025-06-16 15:38