You’ll Never Guess How Much the Trump Empire Cashed Out of Crypto This Month!

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In the depths of America’s boundless steppes—amidst boardrooms resonant with the thudding of expensive shoes—there lurked a drama as old as fathers and sons, yet as modern as cryptocurrency itself. Did the Trumps, gilded heirs of some peculiar destiny, unburden themselves of cryptic riches, or simply rearrange their loot under the indifferent light of a new American dawn? We mortals may never know.

A recent dispatch from the esteemed Forbes suggests that DT Marks DeFi LLC—yes, that enigmatic umbrella beneath which the entire Trumpian tribe seeks shelter—has been quietly tiptoeing away from World Liberty Financial (WLF). To the tune of a 20% reduction, no less. As of December 2024, they gripped 75% of those digital reigns; by the ides of January, a mere 60%. That number slipped again, like a dandy’s silk cravat, down to an austere 40% after the ephemeral date of June 8.

And what, dear reader, did this furtive exodus avail them? No one seems precisely certain, though Forbes, in the manner of an overeager suitor with too much time on his hands, speculates that the proceeds might be counted in millions. Alas, the Trumps themselves remain as silent as a Russian birch grove at dusk (or at a congressional hearing, depending on one’s taste). 🤑

This finely orchestrated divestment—if one may call it that—occurs against a relentless chorus of congressional calls for revelations about presidential affairs, both carnal and financial, with the irresistible temptress named Crypto. World Liberty Financial sought not only the president’s favor, but also minted its own USD1 stablecoin in March, at the very moment when legislators brandished the GENIUS Act, which proposes to tame these dollar-pegged upstarts with statutory severity.

The GENIUS Act, stitched together with rare bipartisanship, fluttered through the Senate last week but faces a House more suspicious of the president’s algorithmic affections. President Trump himself, never hesitant to trumpet his desires, took to social media with all the grace of a man shouting at pigeons in the park: the bill should pass “ASAP.” (Subtlety, it seems, is for the little people.)

Matters of the Heart (and Pocketbook) Between Trump and Crypto

WLF, cherished darling of the Trump dynasty, has become the unwilling starlet in a sordid melodrama—the subject of suspicious whispers as its noble backers craft legislation and sign executive orders with the same hand that cradles ERC-20 tokens at dinner parties.

Recently, an august firm from Abu Dhabi announced their intent to deploy the platform’s USD1 token to settle a $2 billion ‘investment’ into Binance. (No one is quite sure what’s being bought—but isn’t that always the way?) 🤖💸

As of March, WLF had stuffed its digital coffers with roughly $550 million raised through two public token sales. Our protagonist, President Trump himself, has reported personal spoils exceeding $57 million—proof, perhaps, that the American Dream is alive, and can now be traded in convenient, midnight-dark markets.

The saga continues—one wonders if the next reduction will arrive with the same elegant subtlety, or whether the whole edifice will tumble in a storm of hashtags and congressional subpoenas.

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2025-06-19 21:15