In a twist more surprising than a stagecoach becoming a balloon, President Trump hath decreed that the BitMEX trio, guilty of coin laundering, shall walk free! No less surprising than a cat playing the lute, the public hath not stirred for their release, leading to much head-scratching.
As the winds of pardon blow, the odds of Sam Bankman-Fried receiving such grace have soared higher than a turkey on the fourth of July. Yet, amidst the crypto swindles and deceptions, a chill wind doth blow, making many a soul queasy.
BitMEX, that grand bazaar of digital gold, hath seen its share of storms, including a lawsuit as welcome as a tax collector at a feast. Its creators, Hayes, Delo, and Reed, did confess to breaking the Bank Secrecy Act, yet Trump, in his wisdom or folly, hath forgiven them all!
Trump, as silent as a mime at midnight, hath not elucidated his reasons. These men, having faced naught but fines and the indignity of house arrest, are free as birds. Hayes, still a voice as loud as a town crier, hath no more ties to BitMEX.
To say this turn of events is unexpected is to say the sun riseth in the west. Trump hath shown mercy before, but this? This is a tale as strange as a fish riding a bicycle.
Where were the cries for the BitMEX men? As quiet as a church mouse on a cheese-free Sunday. Their sentences were light, and yet, no hue and cry for their release.
The crypto realm, as bewildered as a duck at a card game, hath reacted with furrowed brows and shaking heads. Even “Crypto Mom” Peirce, a friend to the digital coin, supported their arrest. Money laundering, it seems, is as popular as a skunk at a garden party. The community searches for Trump’s motivation, and finds naught but shadows and whispers.
“Good heavens, everything hath its price! I fear he’ll pardon Bankman-Fried next,” quoth the scribe Jacob Silverman, with a roll of the eyes.
Bankman-Fried, the mastermind behind FTX, and his kin have beseeched Trump for a pardon. The chance seemed as likely as a snowball’s in hell, especially after Bankman-Fried dared oppose Trump in the grand election of 2020. Yet, with the BitMEX pardons, his odds have soared like a eagle with a jetpack:
In the end, this pardon business doth not seem to cheer the markets. Scams and deceptions run amok, and some fear for the industry’s soul. If Trump continues to sprinkle pardons like confetti, the scoundrels may dance with glee.
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2025-03-29 00:11