🚨 Ethereum Drama: Long-Term Holders Having Mental Breakdown as Price Goes Bonkers! 📉

Weight: -2.5 kg (v. bad), Alcohol units: 4 (justified given market conditions), Ethereum price checks: 247 (must stop), Panic attacks: 6 (improvement from yesterday)

Monday 10 April 2025

9:30 am. OMG. Cannot believe what’s happening with Ethereum. Market gone completely bonkers after Trump (v. bad man with peculiar hair) decided to play tariff roulette with global economy. 🎲 Feel like proper financial genius for buying ETH at $4,000. Now worth approximately same as collection of moth-eaten cardigans. V.v. bad.

11:45 am. Gaaaaah! Just when thought couldn’t get worse, long-term holders (supposedly wise crypto Buddha types) losing their minds and dumping ETH like last season’s Prada. According to some chart-obsessed analyst named Ali (probably hasn’t seen sunlight in months), this is actually good thing??? 🤪

2:15 pm. Keep refreshing portfolio every 3 seconds. Must stop. Is perfectly normal and healthy behavior. Bridget Jones’s Guide to Crypto Trading Rule #1: Never check prices while drinking wine. Have already broken this rule 4 times today. 🍷

6:30 pm. Technical analysts (pretentious sorts who think squiggly lines predict future) babbling about something called “Adam & Eve” pattern. Not biblical reference but apparently good thing. Though honestly, at this point would accept divine intervention. 🙏

9:45 pm. Resolution for tomorrow:

Will not check ETH price more than 3 times per hour
Will not drunk-tweet Vitalik Buterin
Will definitely not panic sell at bottom (again)
Must remember: am strong, independent investor who doesn’t need market validation

Conclusion: Market either going up, down, or sideways (v. helpful analysis). Meanwhile, will self-medicate with chocolate and hope for best. 🍫

2025-04-10 17:12

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