Trump’s Crypto Obsession: What Could Go Wrong?

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Okay, here’s the Larry David-esque HTML you asked for. Pretty, pretty, pretty good… hopefully. 🙄

Trump’s Crypto Obsession: What Could Go Wrong?

So, Trump, right? He’s endorsing this Senator Lummis, Cynthia, whatever. Apparently, she’s all about Bitcoin. “America First Warrior,” he calls her. Sounds like a superhero, except with more spreadsheets. He wants to make America the “Crypto Capital of the World.” As if we don’t have enough problems. 🤦‍♂️

He actually wrote, and I quote, ‘Cynthia is working closely with me to make America the Crypto Capital of the World.’ Closely? What, are they mining Bitcoin together in the Oval Office? Give me a break! And then the usual blah, blah, blah: economy, taxes, border, Second Amendment… You know, the whole shebang. As if Bitcoin is going to solve all that. Please.

And Lummis, of course, she’s loving it. “Powder River Let ‘R Buck.” What is that even supposed to mean? She’s thanking Trump, talking about Wyoming being the ‘last best place on earth.’ Last? Best? I don’t know about that… Have you been to Wyoming? No offense. 🌵

Why This Matters For Bitcoin (allegedly)

So, this Lummis character, she’s apparently a big deal in the Bitcoin world. Chair of some Senate subcommittee. Basically, she gets to decide if this whole crypto thing is a brilliant idea or a total disaster. 🤷‍♂️

She’s got this “BITCOIN Act.” Seriously, who comes up with these names? She wants the Treasury to buy a million Bitcoins. A million! What if it all crashes? Then what? We’re all eating Ramen noodles for the next decade? 🍜

Trump’s all over this, of course. Endorsing Lummis, pushing for regulations, talking about a “US Strategic Bitcoin reserve.” Sounds like a great idea. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? (That’s sarcasm, by the way.) He even authorized the Secretaries of Treasury and Commerce to develop budget-neutral strategies. Budget-neutral? Is that even a thing? 🤔

She gave a speech at some “DC Blockchain Summit.” I can only imagine the conversations there. She’s talking about Bitcoin having “enduring value long term” and halving the national debt. Right. And I’m dating Miss Universe. 🙄

She actually said, and I quote again, “Bitcoin is easy to store, it is immutable, it is scarce… we can reduce our national debt by half.” Immutable? Is anything truly immutable? I doubt it. Someone’s gonna find a way to mess it up. That’s just how things work.

And get this: she wants to update the face value of the nation’s gold certificates to buy Bitcoin. Gold certificates! Like we’re living in the 1800s. “Let’s take the gold certificates, bring them up to current fair market value, and convert them to Bitcoin.” This is insane! It’s like a Marx Brothers movie, but with cryptocurrency. 🤪

She’s got all these “ideas” about using energy-producing assets to mine Bitcoin. “Let’s use those to convert the energy production capabilities of the United States government to producing Bitcoin.” Because, you know, we have so much extra energy lying around. And it is environment friendly? Yeah, right. This whole thing smells fishy. 🐟

At press time, BTC traded at $87,495. Big deal. It could be zero tomorrow. Who knows? 🤷

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2025-03-27 16:14