AI Superpower Unleashed! 🚀🇺🇸

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NVIDIA, that imp of Silicon Valley, is at it again! A veritable manufacturing orgy is underway in the Colonies, with AI supercomputers being birthed entirely stateside. A game-changing move, they say? More like a clumsy pirouette on the world stage.

NVIDIA, in a Fit of Pique, Erects Factories to Assemble AI Supercomputers From Scratch (Almost)

NVIDIA (Nasdaq: NVDA), a ticker symbol that sounds suspiciously like a nervous tic, announced with characteristic bombast on Monday that it will, for the first time, assemble its AI supercomputers entirely in the United States. A “major milestone,” they declared. One can almost hear the champagne corks popping, or perhaps it’s just the sound of shareholders rubbing their hands together with glee. 😈 The company, in its infinite wisdom, stated:

NVIDIA is, with the help of its manufacturing partners, cobbling together factories that will, for the very first time, produce NVIDIA AI supercomputers entirely in the U.S. Huzzah! (One imagines them adding, sotto voce.)

As part of this grand scheme, over a million square feet – a veritable empire, if you measure in square feet – of factory space will sprout like mushrooms after a particularly damp Arizona and Texas rain. Production of NVIDIA’s next-generation Blackwell chips, named after a certain Elizabeth who knew a thing or two about breaking barriers (or perhaps it was just a clever marketing ploy), is now underway at Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) facilities in Phoenix. Meanwhile, the supercomputers themselves are being assembled at new plants with Foxconn in Houston and Wistron in Dallas. Because nothing says “cutting edge” like a good old-fashioned assembly line. 🤖

The strategy, they claim, is aimed at deepening ties with global suppliers while enhancing the “resiliency” of critical supply chains. As if supply chains were delicate flowers, easily crushed underfoot! Jensen Huang, NVIDIA’s founder and CEO – a man whose leather jacket could launch a thousand think pieces – stated: “The engines of the world’s AI infrastructure are being built in the United States for the first time. Adding American manufacturing helps us better meet the incredible and growing demand for AI chips and supercomputers, strengthens our supply chain and boosts our resiliency.” One can almost smell the freshly printed money. 💰

In addition to chip production, packaging and testing will be handled by Amkor Technology and Siliconware Precision Industries (SPIL), also conveniently located in Arizona. Full-scale output is expected to ramp up within the next 12 to 15 months. NVIDIA expects this domestic push to deliver a “significant economic impact,” which is corporate speak for “we’re going to make a boatload of money.” 🛥️

Within the next four years, NVIDIA plans to produce up to half a trillion dollars of AI infrastructure in the United States. A sum so vast, it could make even Scrooge McDuck blush.

To operate these factories, NVIDIA will incorporate its own technologies, such as the NVIDIA Omniverse platform to create digital twins of its facilities – because why have one factory when you can have two, albeit one being a ghostly apparition? – and the NVIDIA Isaac GR00T system to deploy AI-powered robots for automation. Because nothing says “job creation” like replacing humans with robots. These large-scale “gigawatt AI factories” are being designed to process artificial intelligence workloads at massive scale, forming the core infrastructure for the expanding AI sector. The initiative is expected to create hundreds of thousands of jobs and bolster long-term U.S. economic security in the global tech race. One can only hope these jobs involve something more stimulating than watching robots assemble other robots. 🤔

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2025-04-14 20:28