Phishing Sharks Devour $364M from Crypto Newbies: Certik Unveils April 2025 Carnage

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April 2025: An icy wind howls across the wasteland of the blockchain, and Certik—in their watchtower, clutching a battered ledger—sounds the alarm. This time, they count losses so vast that even the old Soviet bean counters would raise an eyebrow: $364 million vanished into the black maw of exploits, hacks, and, most beneficial of all, scams. A meager $18.2 million trickled back from the abyss, as if to tease the sufferer with hope, yielding a net loss comparable to the GDP of a mid-sized gulag—$345.8 million.

Yet, let us not insult the ingenuity of mankind: $337 million of that sum, pried away by phishing attacks. Not through grand feats of code, but with the gentle art of persuasion, the manipulation of dreams and paranoia alike. Web3, they promised us—liberation from tyranny! But anyone who’s ever queued for bread knows how a little deception works wonders on a hungry soul. 🥖

In this icy tableau, a few heroes—whitehats, possibly clad in digital sheepskin—whistled innocently and nudged a few escudos (well, millions) back. Kiloex, Loopscale, zkSync—their names scrawled on the cell wall of the internet, with Loopscale reclaiming $5.8 million, perhaps enough to buy a round of vodkas at the commissar’s retreat.

But, comrades, let us not be seduced by crumbs! Last month’s “mere” $28.8 million vanishes like a snowflake on the furnace of April’s inferno. Phishing grows more sophisticated and relentless, and the cryptoverse remains a place where one must keep their wits sharper than the interrogator’s pencil.

Snooze and you lose—usually your wallet.
See the certified carnage here.

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2025-05-01 22:30