Bitcoin Could Hit The Comedy Ceiling: Glassnode Warns “Heavy Sell-Side Pressure” Looms!

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So apparently, Glassnode—the analytics whizzes, the “Einsteins of Crypto”—are ringing the bell, waving their hands, basically saying, “Hey folks, maybe Bitcoin is about to slam face-first into some gigantic resistance.” Resistance! It’s like Bitcoin is going up an escalator the wrong way, and all of a sudden, people start piling up in front of it. Mazel tov, we’re at a standstill.

They’re all over X (which I still call Twitter, by the way) saying these long-term holders—people more stubborn than your Aunt Ruth clinging to that dusty jar of gefilte fish—might start selling their precious Bitcoin once it stares lovingly at the $100,000 mark. Why? Because “unrealized profit margins”. Oooh, someone’s been watching too much CNBC.

“Historically, LTHs begin distributing more aggressively around a 350% unrealized profit margin, which aligns with a BTC price of ~$99,900.” Alright, let’s translate: basically, people are thinking, “Hey, maybe I should actually take some money off the table before it all goes sideways!” How radical! Can you believe?

But get this—these long-term holders, they’re not just sitting on their hands. Nope, they’re buying MORE Bitcoin. “Let’s back up the truck,” they say, “Let’s get more of this digital gold!” It’s confidence! Or madness! Tomato, tomahto. Some are buying above $95,000, which is gutsy, or desperate, or both. Either way, their spending is “light,” which is analytics speak for “yeah, nobody’s selling at the moment.” It’s like everyone agrees to play musical chairs, but nobody wants to get up.

“Long-Term Holders continue to accumulate, with +254,000 BTC aging beyond 155 days since the recent low – many bought above $95,000. Spending remains light, signaling renewed confidence and a lack of interest in de-risking at current prices.” Sure, confidence. Or maybe denial. 😏

And now for the big “if”—the analytics folks say if Bitcoin muscles through the $100k resistance (yeah, “if”—my favorite word), then voila! Price discovery! Suddenly we’re all living in a new paradigm, or just updating the Twitter bio to say “Broke Even at $100k.” Trust me, I’ve seen this episode before.

“A large cluster of coins was acquired between $95,000-$98,000, meaning some BTC holders may exit at breakeven. This, combined with rising LTH profits, creates a key resistance zone. A clean breakout could open the path to price discovery above $100,000.” Oh sure, just “breakout”—like it’s that easy. Might as well say, “If my hairline reverses direction, I’ll be George Clooney.”

As of this moment, Bitcoin’s chilling around $96,675. Basically flat. Excitement level: medium. Stay tuned for more suspense—same crypto time, same crypto channel! 😬💰

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2025-05-03 10:25