Bank Predicts Bitcoin Will Explode (Not Literally) to Unbelievable Heights!

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Hold onto your wallets! Standard Chartered’s crystal ball says Bitcoin’s about to bust out a whole new all-time high. They’re eyeing a humble little target of $120,000 in Q2—because who doesn’t want another reason to lose sleep over crypto? 💰🎢

So why all this confidence? The bank’s got its magnifying glass out and has spotted two magical ingredients: ETFs gobbling up Bitcoin like it’s the last slice of pizza at the office party, and giant companies diving headfirst into the digital piggy bank. Oh, and apparently the US found a new hobby—adopting Bitcoin, right after baseball and reality TV.

Why Is Standard Chartered So Bullish? Did Someone Slip Them a Satoshi?

Geoff Kendrick, the Head of Digital Asset Research (not to be confused with the Head of Psychic Predictions), told BeInCrypto that things are heating up. Kendrick’s recipe for crypto fireworks? Metric tons of ETF inflows, MicroStrategy’s Bitcoin-hoarding antics, and institutions jumping on the bandwagon faster than you can say “FOMO.”

Kendrick gets poetic about money flows these days, quoting Glassnode (which is not a medieval weapon, in case you wondered). He says ETF inflows are back with a vengeance, stuffing almost $5.3 billion into the space like grandma into a chair at Thanksgiving. Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s pulled off a comeback worthy of a cheesy sports movie, going from $84k to $99k. Cue dramatic slow clap. 👏

“It’s all about flows—if water flowed like this, we’d all be in Venice by now. US spot ETFs just ate up $5.3 billion over three weeks, but my back-of-the-napkin math says real new money is over $4 billion. That’s a lotta breadsticks,” Kendrick said.

If ETFs weren’t greedy enough, Strategy (formerly known as MicroStrategy, now possibly just known as “Bitcoin’s insurance plan”) keeps stockpiling Bitcoin like it’s doomsday and the only thing left to eat is old iPhones. The numbers don’t lie: they’ve been feasting since 2024 and now hold over $53.8 billion worth of BTC. Don’t ask where they store it—a warehouse full of USB sticks, probably.

“They now hold 555,450 Bitcoins—2.6% of all future coins ever, unless Satoshi comes back from the dead. Oh, and they might try to raise another $84 billion to buy even more. At $100k a pop, that’s 6% of all existing Bitcoins—basically, they’ll control the next Monopoly game,” Kendrick added.

Kendrick says 13F filings coming soon will throw even more shade or light (pick your favorite investment forecast weather) on what everyone’s up to.

The circus doesn’t stop there: Abu Dhabi’s sovereign wealth fund, the Swiss National Bank, and even the Norges Pension Fund (yes, they care about more than fish and fjords) are wading into Bitcoin. Traditional portfolios are getting more crypto than a teenager’s laptop.

“At year’s end, Abu Dhabi’s fund held about 4,700 Bitcoin-equivalents in IBIT. Since then, probably more. Meanwhile, the Swiss and the Norwegians are chasing after MicroStrategy the way I chase after a sale at Macy’s,” Kendrick explained.

You thought it was just the big guys? Surprise! Local US governments want a piece, too. Arizona, New Hampshire, Texas, and Oregon are emerging faster than politicians at an open bar to push Bitcoin reserve bills.

“New Hampshire—live free or buy Bitcoin—just passed a law for a strategic Bitcoin reserve. Trust me, the rest will try to keep up. Herd mentality: not just for sheep,” Kendrick quipped.

With all this Bitcoin fever, Kendrick’s still humble—maybe too humble.

“Sorry if $120,000 is too low. Hey, maybe I’ll eat my tie if it goes higher,” he finished.

Bottom line: with ETFs stampeding, Strategy panic-buying, institutions joining the crypto stampede, and US states wanting their own Bitcoin piggy banks, Standard Chartered says a new Bitcoin all-time high is just a hop, skip, and a blockchain away. Beam me up, Satoshi. 🚀🍕

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2025-05-08 15:03