You Won’t Believe Why Coinbase Shares Just Rocketed to the S&P 500 🚀

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What to know:

  • Coinbase, the friendly neighborhood crypto emporium, is packing its bags and moving into the S&P 500—shoving Discover Financial out the window in the process (don’t worry for Discover, it’s being adopted by Capital One).
  • A whiff of this news and COIN shares started bouncing like an over-caffeinated rabbit, jumping 8% after market hours. Anyone who sneezed at their portfolio probably made $20.
  • Coinbase, the exchange that has made “turning thin air into billions” a business model, now boasts a market cap brushing up against $53 billion. That’s a lot of zeroes—enough to crash your old calculator—and it trades exclusively on Nasdaq, where all the cool tech kids hang.

In what must have been the most surprising twist since discovering your dog understands quantum mechanics, Coinbase (COIN) shares soared by more than 8% on Monday evening. The cause? News broke that COIN will soon be part of the S&P 500—a list so exclusive you need a secret handshake, or just a really large market cap.

Coinbase is replacing Discover Financial on May 19, as dictated by the all-seeing S&P Dow Jones Index Committee, who presumably sit around a table stroking their beards and deciding who gets to join their club this week. Meanwhile, Discover Financial, possibly looking relieved, will be married off to Capital One in a ceremony attended only by lawyers.

The S&P 500 is an index comprised of the 500 largest, shiniest U.S. corporations, like Apple, Microsoft, Amazon, and Google—a group chat devoid of grammatical errors but teeming with existential questions about their next big quarterly report. Coinbase, almost as valuable as the entire GDP of a small tropical island, is now part of the gang (pending RSVP from the stock market gods) and still trading on Nasdaq, in case you were wondering where to stalk it.

This is a milestone for the digital asset realm, which previously had to lurk in the financial alleyways. Now, thanks to the S&P, millions of unsuspecting portfolios will soon contain a dash of blockchain wizardry, and model portfolios everywhere may be seen quietly regretting not revising their risk assessments.

“COIN about to be in every portfolio in America,” declared Juan Leon, senior investment strategist at Bitwise, probably while furiously typing an X post with one hand and making victory pancakes with the other. He proclaimed the S&P 500 inclusion would “force 7x the daily trading volume” into the stock—so prepare for price moves that look a little like breakdancing on a ship during a storm. 💃🕺

Shares spiked up to $225 following the announcement, an 8.6% moon jump in post-market clamor, tacking onto Monday’s earlier 4% rally. Coinbase, in classic Discworld spirit, appears to have gone up simply because it was told it could. 🪙🎩

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2025-05-13 01:49