When Tornado Cash Meets Courtroom Drama: A Legal Farce Unfolds! 😂

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Ah, dear audience! Gather ’round as we unveil the curious case of one Roman Storm, the illustrious founder of Tornado Cash, who finds himself entangled in a web of legal mischief! 🎭

Our protagonist, Storm, was apprehended in the year of our Lord 2023, accused of the most nefarious act: laundering a staggering $1 billion! Yes, you heard it right! This sum includes a hefty portion for the infamous Lazarus Group, those charming North Korean cybercriminals. Who knew crime could be so lucrative? 💰

But wait! There’s more! Our dear Storm was also charged with the audacious crime of operating an unregistered money-transmitting business. However, in a twist worthy of a Molière play, this particular charge was dropped, thanks to a memo from the Department of Justice that suggested we should cease this “regulation by prosecution” nonsense. Yet, the prosecutors, like persistent suitors, continue to pursue other charges. 🕵️‍♂️

Now, Storm’s legal team, armed with wit and sarcasm, claims that the government has been playing hide-and-seek with critical evidence since 2023! They argue that these elusive documents could prove that noncustodial crypto mixers are not, in fact, money transmitters. Oh, the irony! 🎩

“In a recent filing concerning a similar case involving the Samourai Wallet, it was revealed that on August 23, 2023, the prosecutors had a clandestine chat with the Financial Crimes Enforcement Network (FinCEN). During this tête-à-tête, FinCEN officials declared that since Samourai did not possess the private keys, it would imply they are NOT (emphasis theirs) acting as a money services business!” Oh, the drama! 📜

Despite the government dropping the unregistered money-transmitter charge, Storm’s lawyers are crying foul, claiming a “Brady violation” has occurred! This, dear friends, means the prosecutors have failed to disclose evidence that could aid our beleaguered hero’s defense. Such violations can lead to all sorts of delightful chaos: conviction reversals, mistrials, and perhaps even a round of applause for the defense! 👏

Mark your calendars, for Storm’s trial is set for July 14th! Will justice prevail, or will this tale take another twist? Stay tuned! 🎉

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2025-05-20 22:07