Breaking news: The Middle East is tense, the U.S. is involved, and somewhere, an investor just spilled their iced coffee on a stack of economist magazines. If you thought this would send Bitcoin running for the hills, think again! The crypto market said, “Volatility? Pfft, hold my hardware wallet.”
Picture this: after a dramatic weekend of more red than a Valentine’s Day clearance sale, the major coins are suddenly bouncing back like that one friend who always says they’re “done with tequila.” The charts are green, things seem stable, and day traders are feeling bold enough to tweet rocket emojis again. 🚀
Crypto Comebacks: Because Apparently Gravity Is Optional
Bitcoin (BTC), which dipped below $100k faster than you can say “I told you so,” decided it was done sulking. It’s up 4%, now trading around $105,679, because why not. Trading volume hit $65 billion, which is coincidentally also the number of times your uncle has warned you about ‘fake internet money’ at Thanksgiving.
Ethereum (ETH) apparently got tired of being second fiddle. ETH shot up 10% in the last 24 hours, now at $2,478, with its trading volume moving up 19%—just in case Bitcoin was getting too confident. The market cap’s up 11% because, sure, that’s how emotions work in crypto.
Meanwhile, XRP and Dogecoin (DOGE) have entered the group chat and are doing their best to out-crazy each other with 10% gains. XRP is now at $2.20 (somebody please tell grandma, she keeps asking), and trading volume is up 25%. Dogecoin flexed with a 10.43% jump and is now practically asking Elon Musk to tweet about it—again. Apparently, fluffy memes don’t play around.
Today’s Crypto Hype Squad
- Bitcoin (BTC)
- Ethereum (ETH)
- Sei (SEI) – No, not sushi, but almost as popular 🍣
- Ripple (XRP)
- Solana (SOL)
The Winners, The Losers, and The Cryptos Still In Therapy
| Gainers | Losers |
| Sei (SEI): +41.52% | Tether Gold (XAUt): -2.08% |
| SPX6900 (SPX): +33.63% | PAX Gold (PAXG): -1.99% |
| Aptos (APT): +30.73% | |
| Maple Finance (SYRUP): +27.90% |
Market Cap: Numbers That Make Accountants Sweat
Market cap is now at $3.2 trillion, which is basically the GDP of several respectable countries—and at this point, might be just as sturdy. That’s a 5.67% rise, and trading volume is up to $146 billion. Is anyone sleeping? Doesn’t seem like it.
Of course, some traders are taking losses like it’s Black Friday: over $406 million in positions liquidated, including over 116,810 hopeful souls whose stop-losses never stood a chance. Short traders especially need a group hug after coughing up $338 million. Long traders lost $67 million, but probably still have enough caffeine to keep buying the dip. ☕️
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2025-06-24 21:38