On a brassy Tuesday—oh, to witness it in all its garish splendor—the New York Stock Exchange, like a stately old matron trying on disco shoes, hustled forth a cryptic proposal: a rule change to usher in a Trump-branded Truth Social Bitcoin and Ethereum ETF. Imagine, if you will, Wall Street’s cathedral suddenly scented with the tang of spray tan and the staccato rhythms of habitually tweeted all-caps. If the gods (SEC, that is) permit, this financial hydra will cradle 75% Bitcoin and 25% Ethereum—a split as subtle as a spray-on lawn.
NYSE Huffs, Puffs, and Pushes Trump’s Golden Egg
The charade stumbles beneath the somber gaze of the SEC’s 19b-4 rule, ETF hopefuls’ favorite runway. Legalese flows, promising “progress,” which—much like a campaign promise—comes with no guarantees except a mild, regulated headache for all.
And from on high, the SEC intoned with glacial gravity:
“The Exchange believes that the proposed rule change is designed to prevent fraudulent and manipulative acts and practices in that the shares will be listed and traded on the exchange pursuant to the initial and continued listing criteria in NYSE.”
Trump’s Big, Beautiful Crypto Dream 🦅
Wielding the golden shovel of bravado, Trump Media appears determined to dig a moat of Bitcoin around Mar-a-Lago. Not content with just “making crypto great again,” the press release machine bellowed a $2.5 billion Bitcoin Treasury mission in May. Subtlety is hereby declared an enemy of the state!
The campaign’s greatest hits include:
- Truth Social Bitcoin ETF (for when you want your coin as loud as your timeline)
- Truth Social Bitcoin and Ethereum ETF (because why not both, darling?)
- America First Bitcoin Fund (more American than an apple pie atop a blockchain!)
- America First Blockchain Leaders Fund (nobody leads like us—we checked)
- America First Stablecoin Income Fund (stable like… Twitter on a Monday…)
Product and politics now share a dressing room. Catering to “America First” aficionados, these funds promise the fusion of financial speculation and flag-waving. Someone, somewhere, is stitching hats as I type.
Crypto.com: Custodian, Jester, and Squire 🤡
Trump Media’s ETF found a reliable squire in Crypto.com—the trusted custodian, liquidity wrangler, and execution sidekick. Picture knights in shining blockchain, jousting in the 24/7 coliseum of digital assets.
The maestro himself, President Trump (majority owner, reality TV star, occasional golf cart racer), curates an empire that includes:
- Truth Social — Social Media home of ALL CAPS and even larger egos 🙌
- Truth+ — Streaming, because somebody’s got to binge-watch the next big thing
- Truth.Fi — Harnessing digital payments with all the subterfuge of a classified memo
The Final (For Now) Fluttering Tweet 🐦
Approval pending, of course. The Truth Social ETF glissandos toward the regulators’ velvet rope. If approved, Wall Street’s timeworn lobbies may echo with the trills of political coinage—finance, now with extra fury and fewer vowels.
Eavesdrop, Lurk, and Never Miss a Crypto Catastrophe!
Brace for shenanigans, scoop up updates, and clutch your wireless wallet—this show’s only getting wilder.
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2025-06-25 15:34