U.S. House Declares July 14 ‘Crypto Week’ – Because Who Doesn’t Love a Good Digital Currency Drama?

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Ah, the grand circus that is U.S. politics! The U.S. House has just announced that July 14 will usher in the most awaited week of the century: “Crypto Week.” Yes, you heard that right. A whole week dedicated to the world of digital assets. Will it be a revolution? Or just another series of meetings filled with too many suits and not enough logic? Time will tell.

During this week, the House of Representatives will take up three monumental bills on digital assets. You know, things like the CLARITY Act (because apparently, clarity was hard to come by in the world of crypto), the Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act (trust me, it sounds cooler than it actually is), and the Senate’s GENIUS Act (because who doesn’t want to be a genius?).

Behind this shiny new week, we have Financial Services Committee Chairman French Hill and Agriculture Committee Chairman GT Thompson. These two noble warriors are here to protect us from the *evil* forces of chaos—otherwise known as digital currencies. Their mission? To build a clear regulatory framework, regulate stablecoins (because, you know, stablecoins need rules too), and ban the creation of central bank digital currencies. Or, as we say in the business: the *CBDC* horror show. 🕵️‍♂️

“These pieces of legislation further the President’s pro-growth and pro-business agenda,” said Majority Leader Steve Scalise. Well, if you say so, Steve. We can only hope it’s more than just a paper tiger. 🦁

Now, let’s break down these bills—because what would a “Crypto Week” be without an overload of technical details that would make even the most hardcore coder’s eyes glaze over?

The CLARITY Act aims to make everything crystal clear (pun intended, thank you) by defining the regulatory line between securities and commodities in the digital space. Who will get to call the shots? The mighty Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) and the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). Say goodbye to all that ambiguity and chaos that has held back innovation for so long. After all, who needs uncertainty when we can just have more government intervention, right? 🤔

The GENIUS Act is more of the same, but with a twist! It’s all about those stablecoins that back the dollar. This bill wants to ensure that everything is stable (ha!), secure, and well-regulated. Who would have thought that we needed rules for something called a “stablecoin”? But don’t worry, it’s for innovation. Sure, innovation—just wrapped in lots of rules and regulations.

Lastly, we have the Anti-CBDC Surveillance State Act. Let’s just say it’s the most *thrilling* one of them all. This bill wants to prevent the Federal Reserve from issuing a U.S. central bank digital currency (CBDC). Why? Because it could “infringe on Americans’ financial privacy” and be weaponized for surveillance. Yes, we are *all* terrified of the big bad CBDC. Imagine the horrors of a world where the government knows exactly where you spent your $5 on lunch. That’s nightmare fuel, folks. 😱

This bill narrowly passed the Financial Services Committee, and guess what? It’s all about that political drama. Republicans love it, Democrats… not so much. If it becomes law, the U.S. will become the first major economy to prohibit the creation of a CBDC. And who doesn’t want to be number one, right?

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2025-07-04 10:50