Bitcoin Miners Tank, CoreWeave Goes Shopping: Larry David’s Take on Wall Street Madness 😒

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What’s going on? Or, as I like to call it: “Stuff Nobody Asked For but Here We Are”

  • Core Scientific took a nosedive—down 22% to $14. Yes, 22%! Why? They decided to sell themselves to CoreWeave. All stock, no cash, valued at $20.40 per share. Who’s doing this math? I mean, come on!
  • HUT 8 and Cleanspark—other people digging for digital gold—dropped over 7%. Everyone’s looking at their portfolio like, “What happened? Did I miss a memo?”
  • At least Jefferies—the investment bank, not your neighbor Jeff who gives advice no one wants—actually predicted a price right in this range. $16–$23/share. I guess you get a gold star for mediocre predictions now. 🏆

So here’s the deal: CoreWeave—AI infrastructure, big buildings, lots of wires, probably smells like burnt plastic—decides, “Hey, let’s buy Core Scientific in an all-stock deal. $20.40 a share!” I’ve seen better deals at a garage sale, but hey, whatever floats your algorithmic boat.

Jefferies must be thrilled. Their estimated range was $16 to $23, and the offer’s smack in the middle. This is like when you guess your friend’s age and you’re only off by a year. You feel smart for a minute, but nobody’s handing out trophies.

Here’s where it gets really wild: Core Scientific’s shares dropped 22%. Not exactly a ringing endorsement for the merger. Meanwhile, HUT 8 and Cleanspark are down too—7% each. You think you’re having a bad Monday? Imagine being a bitcoin miner right now. Except for IREN, which bizarrely went up 3%. No one knows why. Maybe someone pressed the wrong button. 🤷‍♂️

Let’s not leave out Coreweave—they’re down over 3%. You spend all this virtual money, and your own stock gets whacked too. Almost poetic.

Apparently, this all makes perfect sense if you’re an analyst at Jefferies. CoreWeave’s shares have done well since their IPO, so now they’re feeling all cocky, scooping up other companies like it’s Black Friday for data centers.

And sure, it’s all about “vertical integration”—because we all know, nothing says ‘success’ quite like owning a bunch of server racks and renegotiating leases with landlords named Steve.

Bottom line: CoreWeave wants to be the big cheese in AI and high-performance computing. They’re tired of leasing stuff and want to boss everyone around directly. Makes sense, I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing.

The analysts—oh, they love this. Now CoreWeave can control “future capacity expansion.” Honestly, who writes these phrases? Sounds impressive, means… what, exactly? We may never know.

Meanwhile, Core Scientific has been playing musical chairs with hyperscalers and their leases. CoreWeave’s probably jumping in before someone else claims the best seat. Or the only seat.

By the way, Jefferies still has a buy rating on Core Scientific with an $18 price target. Because why not be optimistic, if only for laughs?

So, if you ever wonder what digital gold mining looks like… it’s people trading billions and everyone’s mad at the end of the day. Typical Monday. 🙃

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2025-07-07 19:20