Key takeaways:
Bitcoin catapults to a dizzying $101,707 while regulators and Wall Street types put on their best “I totally know what blockchain is” faces.
Traders are now desperately hoping $100,000 isn’t just another mirage in a crypto desert.
So, it finally happened. Bitcoin (BTC)—yes, the digital coin your parents still think you can physically lose in the laundry—rocketed past $100,000. The apparent catalyst? President Donald Trump announced a “trade deal” with the UK. No word yet on whether it comes with a cup of tea or just the removal of a 10% import tax and more unhinged tweets.
Apparently, the White House is now moonlighting as a telegraph office, blasting out social posts and cryptic hints about new trade negotiations with absolutely everyone. The markets, yearning for any excuse to not talk about inflation, feasted happily. The US and China are also meeting soon in Switzerland, a country best known for chocolate, discreet banking, and not taking sides unless there’s skiing involved.
The Dow promptly shot up 500 points—just enough for your uncle to mention it at dinner—and the S&P 500 skipped along looking positively chipper. Meanwhile, Bitcoin hovers near $101,600, which is roughly the value of London rent for a month.
In his typical fashion, Trump posted on Truth Social:
“Many other deals, which are in serious stages of negotiation, to follow!”
Investors everywhere collectively spat out their coffee. The crypto crowd is now obsessed with whether this six-figure madness can “hold” or if Bitcoin will fall back like your new year’s resolution to exercise. On X (formerly Twitter, currently baffling), independent market analyst Macroscope says he’s “watching closely.” Oh, Macroscope, aren’t we all.
But this isn’t just about frantic bets and a few hedge funds having existential crises. This time, the political landscape looks like it’s actually read the manual. Two US states have now passed laws making it legal for states to hoard Bitcoin like digital squirrels before winter. (Is anyone keeping track of what’s in these state “strategic reserves”? Cans of beans, gold bullion, and a flash drive labeled ‘Super Important — No Delete.’)
Meanwhile, Missouri lawmakers sent Bill 594—a bill canceling all capital gains taxes (someone tell the IRS before they faint)—to Governor Mike Kehoe. Somewhere, a lawyer just high-fived an accountant.
On May 7, the US Office of the Comptroller of the Currency (OCC), in its continuing effort to remind you it exists, announced that banks can now “responsibly” trade crypto for customers and even let third-party pros handle the digital funny money.
🇺🇸 LATEST: The Office of the Comptroller of the Currency confirms that national banks and federal savings associations “may engage in certain cryptocurrency activities.”
— CryptoMoon (@CryptoMoon) May 8, 2025
The FDIC, never wanting to miss a party, gave banks the green light to babysit your crypto—right next to your checking account. Institutional inflows to spot Bitcoin ETFs are up, publicly listed companies are hoarding the stuff, and somewhere, a financial advisor is loading a dartboard with pictures of Satoshi Nakamoto.
Is this the dawn of a new financial era? Or the world’s most lucrative midlife crisis? Either way, Bitcoin has crossed the $100,000 Rubicon. Grab your popcorn. 🍿🚀
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2025-05-08 23:24