Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: Are We Entering the Final Act or Just Intermission?

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Somewhere between the arcane silence of the Kremlin archives and the indecipherable ledger of fate, Bitcoin appears to be pirouetting on the edge of its bull cycle’s grand finale—or so claims the prophetic Rekt Capital. Nostradamus never had it so good or so digital. 🍾🦾

Recently, the seer by the pseudonym of Rekt Capital unveiled charts so complex that even Professor Woland himself might require spectacles. Sifting through bygone halvings, our analyst found that each cycle, like a stubborn bureaucrat, peaks between 518 and 550 days after the halving. This, of course, is an omen as old as the state lottery… or at least since 2016.

We are now 88% along this mystical timeline, which is either enough to warrant popping champagne or barricading the windows, depending on your temperament. The crystal ball points not to infinity, but to—wait for it—September or mid-October of 2025. Mark your calendars, or your emotional support spreadsheets.

#BTC Bull Market Progress:

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░ 88.0%

(Progress will speed up on Parabolic advances)$BTC #Crypto #Bitcoin

— Rekt Capital (@rektcapital) July 1, 2025

Now, some optimistic souls, always aiming to dance longer at the masquerade, hope the fun will last until 2026. Rekt Capital, cigaretta in hand, shakes his head: the longer you loiter at the ball, the greater the chances you’ll be left with the bill and none of the cake. 🎂

But what’s most jarring, according to our cryptic analyst, is Bitcoin’s record-setting post-halving yawn—a reaccumulation nap that lasted eight months after April 2024. Picture the digital gold lying on its comfortable bed, counting lambs (tokens?) and occasionally muttering price points in its sleep.

Apparently, this prolonged slumber was essential to sober up after an overindulgence in pre-halving gains. Nothing says “historical alignment” like a good lie-down on a blockchain mattress.

What comes next?

The Sovereign of Coins, crowned yet tired, now paces just below its all-time high. Rekt Capital assures us this is not unprecedented—both 2017 and 2021 staged similar dramatic pauses. Shakespeare might call it “price discovery correction”; you might call it mild existential dread. 🎭

As we lurch toward the endgame, however, dark clouds gather: the risk-to-reward profile morphs from generous to stingy. Past finales have featured drawdowns of 60–70%, the kind of drama that could give even Margarita the shivers. So, reverent whisper: hedge your bets, or at least your silver candlesticks.

Cycle extensions? Perhaps—a day here, a month there, like bureaucratic delays in receiving one’s passport. But, warns Rekt Capital, delay your grand exit and you risk leaving the gala after the orchestra has packed up and the caviar has turned.

“The danger here is if we’re going to keep moving the goalpost, at some point we’re going to miss that bull market top,” he said, conveniently forgetting that goalposts, like rubles, are made to be moved.

Treat any extra days as the bonus scene after the credits; don’t bank on it, but bring popcorn. Instead, polish your profits, fix your tie, and ignore those would-be prophets heralding a brand-new cycle. History, dear readers, isn’t so easily canceled.

As for now? BTC keeps climbing: a stately $108,840—a sum which, depending on your luck and ledger, could buy you a loaf of bread or a Pontoon on the Black Sea. 🥖🚤

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2025-07-04 13:06