Brace Yourself: Crypto Prices Plunge While Wall Street Holds Its Breath! 😱

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Ah, Thursday—a day when cryptocurrency prices decided to retreat faster than a cat spotted in a bath. This sudden somersault in prices came after Donald Trump’s latest tariffs turned investors into headless chickens. Bitcoin (BTC) took a tumble, landing at $83,450 (a price that makes you question your life choices), while Ethereum (ETH) stubbornly refused to rise above the $2,000 mark, reminiscent of that one friend who always shows up late to the party.

S&P 500 Index Approaches the Grim Reaper’s Embrace

In a plot twist worthy of a low-budget soap opera, the American stock market took a nosedive, courtesy of tariffs that could make inflation raise an eyebrow. Polymarket has decided to put its recession odds at a staggering 50%, the highest since the dawn of the poll, which was only at 19% in the golden days of January. An analyst from TS Lombard stated, rather dramatically:

“These tariffs are not a mild stagflationary event; this is a recession-producing turn — if these tariffs stay in place. Grab a snack, folks!”

The S&P 500 futures dropped by 200 points, entering a correction faster than you can say ‘market mayhem,’ with a hefty loss of over 11% from its high. Meanwhile, the Dow Jones futures dropped by 1,200 points, and the Nasdaq 100 plummeted over 800 points, surely making economists weep into their spreadsheets.

It appears the S&P 500 is flirting dangerously with a death cross—Oh, the drama! This ominous pattern occurs when the 50-day and 200-day moving averages decide to tango, usually leading to further descent. Who knew averages had such dreadful social lives? Well, they do now, and one has already thrown its weight around with the Weighted Moving Average.

More chart wizardry suggests that the index might tumble even further, having broken the key support at $5,527, invalidating the double-bottom pattern—the very definition of going bottoms up. If this keeps up, we might see the index slip to $5,120, a rather grim landmark established on August 5, marking a 7.40% drop from the current amusement park ride we call an index.

Crypto Price Prediction as the S&P Sinks Like a Rock

The S&P 500 index is like that popular kid in high school; when it sneezes, the crypto market catches a cold. Bitcoin and Ethereum, our beloved crypto minstrels, often follow its lead in this dance of economic despair—just wait for the bearish predictions to roll in like an ominous fog.

Bitcoin Price Technical Analysis: A Tale of Woe

Bitcoin, the granddaddy of them all, can really put on a show, and right now, it’s stuck under the crucial support level of $89,145, its lowest swing since January 14. The poor coin has formed and then nervously retested a rising wedge pattern—because who doesn’t love a good wedge?

And here’s the kicker: a death cross formation looms over the 200 and 50-day weighted moving averages, which means we’re possibly looking at a bearish breakdown that could see BTC plummet to around $76,890. Oh, how the mighty shall fall! If it somehow evades this doom by breaching the resistance at $89,145, we might just have a reason to pop some confetti instead of relying on tissue paper.

ETH Price Technical Analysis: The Other Half’s Struggle

Ethereum, the ever-charming sidekick, is doing its fair bit of slumping as well. On the daily adventure chart, ETH has dipped below the key price point of $2,125, which serves as its own version of a triple-top. (No, not a product you can buy for your home gym.) It has also indulged in a little resistance retesting, like an overly dedicated performance artist.

So, the likely forecast for our dear ETH is one where it continues to tumble and maybe retests the support level at $1,500. However, if it manages to defy gravity and soar above $2,126, we might just see the market organize a surprise party!

A Crypto Odyssey Awaits

As the odds of a market meltdown rise, it seems investors are selling off their coins faster than you can say “cryptocurrency.” But fear not! When the Feds swoop in with rate cuts, the market might just bounce back—like a cat that lands on its feet, shockingly enough.

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2025-04-03 15:03