Crypto Chaos: North Korea, SEC Shenanigans, and the Wild World of Bitcoin!

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Ah, the crypto market, where fortunes are made and lost faster than you can say “blockchain.” This week, it seems the market cap decided to take a little vacation, dropping nearly 3% and settling at a cozy $2.84 trillion. Bitcoin (BTC) and its merry band of cryptocurrencies took a nosedive, with investors fleeing to safe havens like they were escaping a bad date. 💔

Bitcoin is down over 3%, trading around $85,700. It had a dramatic intraday low of $82,242, which sounds like a sad country song waiting to happen. Over the past week, it’s dropped nearly 12%. I mean, who needs a rollercoaster when you have crypto? 🎢

Ethereum (ETH) decided to join the pity party, falling below $2,500 after a nearly 6% decline, currently trading around $2,350. Ripple (XRP) is down almost 4%, while Solana (SOL) is barely hanging on above $140. Dogecoin (DOGE) is down just over 1%, which is like saying, “Hey, at least I’m not the worst!” Cardano (ADA) is down 3%, and the rest of the gang—Chainlink (LINK), Litecoin (LTC), Avalanche (AVAX), Toncoin (TON), Stellar (XLM), and Polkadot (DOT)—are all feeling the burn. 🔥

FBI Confirms North Korea Hand In Bybit Hack

In a plot twist worthy of a spy novel, the FBI has confirmed that North Korea was behind the theft of $1.5 billion worth of ETH from Bybit. Yes, you heard that right. This heist is so big it makes Saddam Hussein’s $1 billion theft look like pocket change. The FBI dubbed the operation “TraderTraitor,” which sounds like a bad reality show. 📺

“TraderTraitor actors are proceeding rapidly and have converted some of the stolen assets to bitcoin and other virtual assets dispersed across thousands of addresses on multiple blockchains.”

North Korea’s Lazarus Group is apparently the mastermind behind this cybercrime circus, funding their nuclear ambitions with stolen crypto. Who knew hacking could be so lucrative? In 2024 alone, they reportedly stole over $1.3 billion in crypto across 47 incidents. Talk about a busy year! 🏃‍♂️💨

“Hackers linked to North Korea have become notorious for their sophisticated and relentless tradecraft, often employing advanced malware, social engineering, and cryptocurrency theft to fund state-sponsored operations and circumvent international sanctions.”

But wait, there’s more! North Korea isn’t just about cybercrime; they’re also supplying weapons and troops to Russia in exchange for cash. It’s like a twisted version of a yard sale, but instead of old furniture, they’re trading missiles. 🪖

SEC Drops Aggressive Crypto Enforcement Campaign

In a shocking turn of events, the SEC has decided to drop its aggressive crypto enforcement campaign. Cameron Winklevoss, co-founder of Gemini, confirmed that the regulator has dropped its investigation into the platform without filing any charges. It’s like getting a “Get Out of Jail Free” card in Monopoly, but for crypto! 🎉

“While this marks another milestone to the end of the war on crypto… it does little to make up for the damage this agency has done to us, our industry, and America.”

Gemini took to X to announce the good news, stating, “The SEC has dropped its investigation against us. This comes 699 days after the start of their investigation and 277 days after they sent us a Wells Notice.” I mean, who doesn’t love a good countdown? ⏳

“Amazing awaits!”

Pectra Goes Live On Testnet

Ethereum’s Pectra upgrade went live on the Holesky testnet on February 24, but it didn’t quite stick the landing. It combines 11 major Ethereum Improvement Proposals (EIPs) into one package, which sounds like a fancy buffet for developers. 🍽️

One of the proposals, EIP-7702, aims to improve the user experience of crypto wallets. Because, you know, if you’re going to lose your money, you might as well do it in style. 💼

Bybit Offering Cash Rewards

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2025-02-27 16:07