Crypto Chaos, Trump’s Bitcoin Tango, and a Winklevoss IPO?

by

Welcome to this week’s whirlwind of crypto drama, where Poland says “Nie!” to Bitcoin, Tornado Cash’s Alexey Pertsev gets closer to daylight, and Super Bowl LIX might just come with a side of legal popcorn. 🏈🍿

India Flip-Flops on Crypto (Again)

  • India’s economic affairs secretary, Ajay Seth, hinted at a possible regulatory makeover. Translation: They’re scrolling through the crypto playbook like it’s Tinder, swiping left and right without commitment.
  • The regulatory discussion paper, originally due September 2024, is now delayed. Shocker. 🙄

South Korea’s Bitcoin Kimchi Premium: Spicy but Pricey

  • South Korea’s kimchi premium hit a fiery 9.7% on Feb. 3, leaving global markets wondering, “Why aren’t we this spicy?” 🌶️
  • Blame the closed market structure and foreign investor restrictions. Basically, it’s an exclusive club, and you’re not on the list. 😏

US Bitcoin ETFs Are Having a Moment

  • January saw $5.25 billion in Bitcoin ETF inflows. December 2024 is sulking in the corner with its $4.53 billion. 🥲
  • BlackRock’s IBIT led the charge like a crypto knight in shining armor, raking in $3.23 billion. Somebody’s portfolio is flexing. 💪

Coinbase and Kraken: European Vacation Edition

  • Coinbase became the UK’s largest registered crypto exchange. Welcome to the big leagues, lads. 🇬🇧
  • Not to be outdone, Kraken got a MiFID license in Cyprus. Basically, they’re both getting their European passports stamped. ✈️

Trump’s Executive Orders: Crypto Edition

  • Trump wants a sovereign wealth fund. Treasury and Commerce Departments are like, “Sure, we’ll get right on that.” 😅
  • Meanwhile, tariffs on Mexico and Canada are on pause, but the markets still had a mini meltdown. Drama queens, much? 🎭

Scams, Lies, and Coinbase Users’ Cries

  • On-chain sleuth ZachXBT revealed Coinbase users lost $65 million to social engineering scams. Ouch. 🥴
  • Pro tip: If someone says they’re “helping” with your crypto, they’re probably not. 🚩

From MicroStrategy to Just “Strategy” (Because Minimalism Is So Hot Right Now)

  • MicroStrategy is now “Strategy,” complete with a Bitcoin orange “B” logo. It’s giving Helvetica vibes but with crypto flair. 🧡
  • Operating expenses ballooned by 693% year-over-year. That’s not a typo; that’s a cry for help. 😬

WazirX’s Recovery Plan: 2025 or Bust

  • The hacked Indian exchange offered creditors two timelines: 2025 or 2030. Choose wisely, folks. ⏳
  • A 75% approval vote is needed for the April 2025 plan. Democracy in action, crypto-style. 🗳️

SEC Crypto Task Force: The Avengers, But Bureaucratic

  • Commissioner Hester Peirce unveiled 10 priorities, including the eternal “Is it a security or a commodity?” debate. 🧐
  • Crypto lending and staking programs are also on the agenda. Spoiler: It’s complicated. 🤷‍♀️

Bybit Pays Up, Plays Nice

  • After a $1 million fine, Bybit got its Financial Intelligence Unit registration in India. Talk about paying for permission. 💸
  • They’re now compliant with anti-money laundering laws. Welcome to adulthood, Bybit. 🎓

Ransomware Payments: Less Cash, Same Chaos

  • Ransomware payments dropped 35% in 2024. A win? Sort of. Attacks are still up. 🙃
  • Law enforcement and sanctions are making life harder for attackers. Cue the world’s tiniest violin. 🎻

Gemini’s IPO Dreams

  • The Winklevoss twins are eyeing an IPO. It’s like “The Social Network,” but with way more Bitcoin. 💾
  • SEC Commissioners Peirce and Uyeda are working on clearer crypto rules. Translation: Gemini’s timing might not totally suck. ⏰

Read More

2025-02-09 16:19