Crypto Exchanges: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 🤑

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Web3, schmeb3! It’s a wild west out there, folks! 🤠 Crypto’s on the rise, and so are the scammers and hackers. I mean, who needs a social life when you can spend your days trying to steal other people’s Bitcoin? 🤣 In 2024, we saw some crazy stuff – Bitcoin hit $100K, the market went on a bull run, and Trump promised to create a strategic Bitcoin reserve in the U.S. (because, you know, priorities). But, of course, with great power comes great hacking incidents. Over $2.2 billion was lost to those pesky hackers, a 21.07% increase from the previous year. Yikes! 🚨

So, how do you keep your crypto safe? Well, for starters, you gotta choose a reliable exchange. And that’s where Forbes comes in – they did a fancy survey of 200 crypto exchanges and ranked the top 25. We’re gonna give you the top 10, because, let’s be real, who needs more than that? 😂

The Top 10 Safest Crypto Exchanges (According to Forbes)

So, without further ado, here are the top 10 safest crypto exchanges, in all their glory:

10. Gemini – The Twins’ Exchange 🤝

Gemini, founded by those Winklevoss twins, is all about safety and security. They’re like the crypto version of the Secret Service, minus the sunglasses and earpieces. 🕵️‍♂️ With a weighted score of 5.5, they’re not too shabby. But, hey, who needs transparency when you’ve got private keys and double-layer password protection? 🤫

Weighted score: 5.5, BTC–ETH holdings: 8, Transparency: 4 (yikes!)

9. Deribit – The Offshore Derivatives King 👑

Deribit, the Dubai-based exchange, is all about letting customers speculate on asset prices. It’s like a big game of crypto roulette, but with more leverage and less risk of losing your shirt. 🎲 With a weighted score of 5.5, they’re not too bad. But, hey, who needs audit strength when you’ve got options? 🤔

Weighted score: 5.5, BTC-ETH holdings: 8, Audit strength: 2 (ouch!)

8. Bitget – The Copy Trading King 👑

Bitget, the Seychelles-based exchange, is all about copy trading. It’s like a big game of crypto follow-the-leader, but with more trading options and less risk of losing your shirt. 🤣 With a weighted score of 5.5, they’re not too shabby. But, hey, who needs audit strength when you’ve got spot and futures trading? 🤔

Weighted score: 5.5, BTC-ETH holdings: 8, Audit strength: 0 (yikes!)

7. Upbit – The Korean Exchange 🇰🇷

Upbit, the South Korean exchange, is all about trading options. It’s like a big game of crypto bingo, but with more cryptocurrencies and less risk of losing your shirt. 🎲 With a weighted score of 6, they’re not too bad. But, hey, who needs transparency when you’ve got extensive trading options? 🤫

Weighted score: 6, Transparency: 10, BTC-ETH holdings: 8

6. Bitbank – The Japanese Exchange 🇯🇵

Bitbank, the Japanese exchange, is all about transparency and audited finances. It’s like a big game of crypto show-and-tell,

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2025-01-30 11:33