Crypto M&A Heats Up: Ripple’s Legal Woes Fizzle, Gemini’s New CFO Joins the Circus!

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Welcome, dear reader, to the weekly recap where the crypto world spins faster than a hamster on a wheel powered by caffeine! Today, we delve into the delightful chaos of Coinbase’s potential acquisition of Deribit, the SEC finally deciding to put the Ripple saga to bed (or at least on a very comfy couch), and South Korea’s plans to give unregistered exchanges a stern talking-to.

Coinbase and Deribit: A Match Made in Financial Heaven?

  • Coinbase stock is expected to have a strong bearish breakout in the next few weeks, which is a fancy way of saying it might take a nosedive. 📉
  • The U.S.-based exchange is reportedly in advanced talks about acquiring global derivatives platform Deribit, which sounds like a name for a particularly ambitious rollercoaster. 🎢
  • Dubai-based Deribit was valued between $4-5 billion earlier this year, which is a number that makes most people’s heads spin faster than a top on a sugar high.

Kraken Goes Ninja: The Art of Acquisition

  • Coinbase isn’t the only crypto company exploring M&A Kraken has decided to purchase U.S. retail futures trading platform NinjaTrader for a cool $1.5 billion. Because why not? 💸
  • This acquisition, subject to certain price adjustments (which is just a fancy way of saying “we might change our minds”), aims to position Kraken as a 24/7 platform for both traditional and crypto futures trading. Because who needs sleep, right?

Dubai’s Real Estate Tokenization: A New Kind of Property Ladder

  • The Dubai Land Department (DLD) has launched a property tokenization pilot program using blockchain technology for property title deeds. Yes, you heard that right—now you can own a piece of sand digitally! 🏖️
  • This move represents the first such program by a property registration authority in the Middle East, proving that even bureaucracies can get a tech upgrade.

Strategy’s Bitcoin Bonanza: More Coins, More Problems?

  • Strategy has priced an upsized preferred stock offering, selling 8.5 million shares of its 10% Series A Perpetual Strife Preferred Stock at $85 each. They’ve raised approximately $711.2 million, which is enough to buy a small island or at least a decent yacht. 🛥️
  • Between March 10-16, Strategy bought an additional 130 Bitcoin for approximately $10.7 million at an average price of $82,981 per Bitcoin. That’s a lot of zeros, folks!

LG’s NFT Platform: The Art of Saying Goodbye

  • Global electronics manufacturer LG has decided to shut down its NFT platform, LG Art Lab, after three years of operation. Apparently, they realized that digital art doesn’t pay the bills like selling fridges does. ❄️
  • The company cited a need to “shift focus and explore new opportunities,” which is corporate speak for “we’re not sure what we’re doing anymore.”

Trump’s Son Joins the Bitcoin Circus

  • Japan’s Bitcoin-focused investment company Metaplanet has announced the appointment of Eric Trump to its strategic board of advisors. Because nothing says “financial expertise” like a family name! 🎩
  • CEO Simon Gerovich stated that Trump will assist the company in advancing its mission to expand its Bitcoin treasury. Let’s hope he brings a treasure map!

Gemini’s New CFO: The Financial Wizard Arrives

  • Dan Chen, former vice president of capital markets and bank partnerships at buy now, pay later company Affirm, has joined cryptocurrency exchange Gemini Trust as its Chief Financial Officer. Because every circus needs a ringmaster! 🎪
  • Chen announced his appointment Tuesday through posts on LinkedIn and X, which is the modern equivalent of shouting from the rooftops.
  • The timing coincides with reports that the New York-based exchange, founded by Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss, is preparing for an initial public offering. Because what’s better than a public spectacle?

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2025-03-23 14:38