In the gray corridors where the wheels of justice grind so slowly one suspects they were lubricated by bureaucracy’s own blood, Do Kwon — the architect behind Terraform Labs — prepares to face the stern American judge yet again. Not in Siberia, but in a federal court, where the winters come in the shape of subpoenas and the cold is from air conditioning that chills even the soul. Kwon, ever-perky, stands accused (would it be otherwise?) — not of stealing bread, but rather of turning finance itself into a theater of the absurd.
The gavel, controlled by the honorable Judge Paul A. Engelmayer, has performed more encores than a state-funded theater company. Conferences have been delayed, adjourned, rescheduled, shuffled about like ration cards. Why? Because volumes of evidence — enough paperwork to block out the pale sun itself — demand review from both prosecutors and the defense lawyers frantically trying to convince themselves that justice is not just a word on the wall.
The story, like all great sagas, is still in Act I. No audience has glimpsed the main drama yet. The federal court, hungry for paperwork, called for motions by the suitably distant date of July 1, 2025. The trial proper is set even further into the future: February 17, 2026. At this pace, entire economies may rise and fall, and yet Do Kwon will still be waiting for his main performance. Kafka would have blushed.
The Terra Luna Classic faithful — not short on drama themselves — debate in hushed forums whether some fresh prosecutor will emerge, perhaps on horseback, to hurl new accusations or merely juggle the ones that already fill the air. Perhaps the trial will bring redemption, or perhaps President Trump will swoop down for a pardon, as gamblers in the marketplace wager on with more optimism than sense.
Meanwhile in the technical catacombs, two developers bearing the appropriately theatrical names of Vegas and StrathCole submit proposals to reactivate a mysterious “market module.” Supposedly, this gadget will save the oracle pool, whatever relic that might be in the ruins of Luna’s vast empire. If only it could save us from paperwork.
And what of the fabled LUNC price? It performs the soft-shoe shuffle: up a measly 1.7% in 24 hours, settling at $0.00005624. Scarcely news in a world where fortunes evaporate by lunchtime. More telling: trading volume plunges by 40%, showing traders, like political prisoners, sometimes just give up hope and go home.
So look to the courtroom, to the bulletin boards, to the barely-watched trading screens: there, the tragicomedy lurches onward. Imprisoned by bureaucracy, buoyed by rumor, and always — always! — waiting for the next twist that never quite delivers the freedom or fortune it promises. 😏📉🕰️
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2025-06-25 17:57