Dogecoin and Bitcoin Take the Ballroom: Who’s Dancing with Your Portfolio?

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What to know:

  • Bitcoin, that tireless socialite, has slipped elegantly past $104,000 for the first time in two months. Champagne, anyone?
  • Ethereum is dropping ‘Pectra’ upgrades the way a debutante drops witty bon mots, while U.S. lawmakers suddenly adore a good altcoin rally. How very convenient!
  • President Trump appears to fancy both Bitcoin and the idea of smooth U.S.-China trade—one can only hope the feeling is mutual.

Bitcoin has—much like a persistent aunt at a charity gala—made itself rather impossible to ignore, fluttering just shy of $104,000 in Saturday’s Asian matinée. Seems the entire crypto salon is in high spirits, courtesy of both global macro flattery and Ethereum’s Pectra transformation (which, one assumes, is less about pectorals and more about blockchains).

Meanwhile, Dogecoin has burst in wearing a lampshade as a hat, soaring up 10%—a delightful spectacle for anyone who enjoys their investments with a hint of comedy. Ethereum, ever the diligent younger sibling, managed a more demure 3.5% rise post-upgrade, its weekly figure simply begging for polite applause at over 30%. Solana, Cardano, XRP, and BNB also seemed to receive the invitation, rising between 2–6%. One suspects some sheepish short-sellers are calling for their carriages early. 🥂

Across the pond, American lawmakers are falling over themselves to court crypto—New Hampshire dreams up a Bitcoin reserve, while Arizona instantly replies, “Hold my beer.” Whether any of this becomes reality or is merely the legislative equivalent of promising to attend your friend’s one-man show remains to be seen.

President Trump, with all the subtlety of a leading man entering Act II, has declared his hopes for U.S.-China trade. Apparently, all the world’s volatility can be calmed by a few optimistic remarks—and, as if on cue, both the U.S. and U.K. went ahead and signed a new trade agreement. It’s difficult to say who’s more thrilled: the markets, or the headline writers.

“This latest dose of Trumpian optimism is encouraging traders to stuff their wallets with crypto, as if there weren’t enough existential threats to worry about,” quipped Jeff Mei, the COO at BTSE, managing several screens and perhaps a large gin. The suggestion: we might just see Bitcoin scaling ever more improbable heights—and possibly a few egos along the way.

On Saturday morning, Bitcoin remains about 5% below its all-time January high of $108,700. Yes, even grand dames require a beauty sleep before another dramatic entrance.

Analysts assure us this spirited rise marks a clear departure from the listless malaise of March and April, when altcoins seemed to have caught a particularly dull cold.

“Crypto’s finally found its second wind,” Nick Ruck of LVRG Research announced via Telegram—one assumes over brunch. Investors, we’re told, now see digital assets as an antidote to the aches and pains of traditional markets. The altcoins, rather like neglected footmen discovering jazz, are showing some pep at last.

Ethereum’s 30% rally? Evidently, the institutional set has decided that if you can’t outwit the blockchain, you might as well invest in it. Pectra’s upgrades are hailed as “much needed reforms,” the kind which, unlike parliament, might actually get passed. This could mean Ethereum, currently trading below its all-time high, has room to bound higher—assuming, of course, the world doesn’t trip it up again.

On a cautionary note, markets are now keeping a beady eye on U.S.-China trade talks set to kick off this weekend in Switzerland. Optimists might anticipate a round of toasts—while cynics are checking that the exits aren’t blocked, just in case.

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2025-05-10 13:47