Investors Brace for the Hilarious Chaos of Coinbase’s Newest Tokens!

In a most audacious display of financial chicanery, Coinbase has announced the imminent arrival of three new tokens: PancakeSwap (CAKE), Subsquid (SQD), and the ever-so-delightful Fartcoin. These illustrious listings are set to grace our screens at the ungodly hour of 9 AM PT tomorrow. 🕘

It appears that all three assets have been performing rather splendidly since the announcement, with Fartcoin leading the charge like a particularly enthusiastic toddler at a birthday party, and SQD gallivanting to an all-time high. One can only imagine the delightful volatility that awaits us when these coins finally take the plunge into the Coinbase pool. 🎢

Coinbase’s Newest Listings Explained

As one of the world’s most prominent exchanges, Coinbase listings typically incite a frenzy akin to a sale at Harrods, and this occasion is no exception. The exchange, in its infinite wisdom, placed Fartcoin and SQD on its roadmap less than a week ago, resulting in price increases that would make even the most seasoned trader blush. Now, with this trio of new listings, we can expect gains that will surely make the headlines.

Coinbase will add support for Fartcoin (FARTCOIN) on the Solana network (SPL token). A word of caution: do not send this asset over other networks, or you may find your funds taking an unexpected holiday. Transfers for this asset are available on @Coinbase & @CoinbaseExch in the regions where trading is supported.

— Coinbase Assets (@CoinbaseAssets) June 11, 2025

PancakeSwap, that charming DEX on the BNB Smart Chain, has been performing admirably. Last month, it outshone its CAKE token, but in a dramatic twist, this asset has staged a remarkable comeback in recent days. Who knew pancakes could be so resilient? 🥞

In the midst of all this excitement, today’s Coinbase listing announcement has had a rather muted impact, akin to a whisper in a crowded room.

Fartcoin, bless its heart, did suffer a price crash in early June, despite nearly reaching new heights the previous month. However, the mere mention of its name on Coinbase’s listing roadmap was enough to create a surge of enthusiasm. Today, Fartcoin has spiked, gaining a delightful 6% in the last 24 hours. 🎉

On the other hand, Subsquid has received a rather substantial boost. The SQD token, launched over a year ago, aims to power Subsquid’s open database network for AI agents. It seems to be gaining popularity among Web3 AI developers, which is a fancy way of saying it’s the new kid on the block. The token reached an all-time high today, thanks to Coinbase’s announcement. 🦑

Between a DEX, a meme coin, and an AI agent token, these three assets have little in common, much like a gathering of the most eccentric characters at a dinner party. Nevertheless, Coinbase has given them all a boost by hinting at a token listing and has now confirmed it, much to the delight of traders everywhere.

For those with a penchant for risk, keep your eyes peeled on these assets, as tomorrow’s listing could very well lead to a delightful rollercoaster of volatility. 🎢

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2025-06-12 01:56