“Kiyosaki’s Wild Plan: Toss Your Dollars and Join the Glittering Bitcoin Carousel 🎠”

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Picture this: on a foggy morning, Robert Kiyosaki—our modern-day money oracle and the scribe behind Rich Dad Poor Dad—emerges once again from his velvet-upholstered study, brow furrowed, flapping a hand-written note (possibly a grocery list, but he swears it’s prophetic). He proclaims to his loyal followers: “Flee, comrades! Flee from this illusion called ‘money!’ The world is run by men with peculiar moustaches and calculators! Grab instead the shiny metal things and the mysterious internet coins!”

On May 10, as pigeons cooed indifferently, Kiyosaki pounded his dukes on the table of social media (that is, X—we have run clean out of actual letters for platforms) and thundered against the Federal Reserve, clutching a quote from retired Congressman Ron Paul, who probably keeps his savings in either gold or a suspiciously sturdy mattress.

Ron Paul, having already declared “End the Fed” at least twice a day since 1982, likened central banks’ interest rate schemes to the grand old Russian pastime of price fixing. “Comrades!” (he didn’t say, but let’s pretend), “This is Marxism with worse suits!”

Paul warned: if you let central bankers twiddle their knobs, your wealth will vanish quicker than a bureaucrat at five o’clock on Friday, right alongside your freedom to buy overpriced avocados at the market.

Kiyosaki, not to be outdone, declared: “Fake money leads to dishonest money, which leads to dishonest statistics, which—brace yourself—leads ultimately to Uncle Vasily fibbing at Thursday bingo night.” If the chain of dishonesty continues, you might even discover your cat has been hiding its true net worth for years.

The solution? Clearly: mount an uprising armed only with Bitcoin wallets and tins of tuna. Abandon those US dollars, children, for their destiny is to be lining the insides of very sad piñatas. Pledge fealty instead to gold, to silver, and—if you’re feeling particularly dashing—Bitcoin.

Kiyosaki: Dollar’s Arch-Nemesis (move over, Lex Luthor)

This isn’t Kiyosaki’s first pas de deux with fiat currency. He’s denounced the greenback so many times, one wonders if the dollar ran over his childhood bicycle. Government spending, he cries, inflates the currency—much like Ivan Ivanovich’s legendary accordion, which exploded spectacularly at the village fair.

As a devout disciple of Austrian economics and personal sovereignty (and possibly fine mustaches), Kiyosaki implores all: “Stop stacking stacks of fake money under your mattresses! Choose instead rocks and code that politicians can’t print out like last week’s lottery tickets.”

His beloved gold, silver, and now Bitcoin are, in his poetic vision, trusty blunderbusses to defend your fortune against the rampaging bear of inflation. Family wealth, he argues, should be passed down the generations not as paper, but as digital keys and shiny coins—ideally alongside strongly worded instructions for when to panic.

“Don’t work or save fake money,” he bellows. “Get on your own decentralized gold, silver, and Bitcoin standard, and may your accountant quake!”

He’s got predictions too, as is the sacred right of all financial sages: by 2035, Bitcoin vaults to $1 million, gold polishes itself up to $30,000, and silver—modestly but determinedly—hits $3,000 a coin. Consult your local astrologer for further details.

Kiyosaki is not alone in his starry-eyed forecasts; ARK Invest’s Cathie Wood, in her own trance of enthusiasm, sees Bitcoin reaching $1.5 million by 2030, provided internet memes remain supportive.

And let’s not forget—Eric Trump himself, at a gathering in Abu Dhabi, declared with gravity that Bitcoin will scale the $1 million summit, thanks to its scarcity, its cryptographic purity, and, presumably, its ability to dodge the IRS.

So, brave saver: chicken out with fiat, or take a dazzling leap into the world of coins and codes? Only you—and perhaps a hand-wringing government official—can decide. 🦆🪙🚀

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2025-05-10 11:59